Unrequited II F4 Thailand

Commencement

My fingers felt sore from typing all morning on my laptop keyboard. Music blasted into my ears from my headphones, and my foot tapped to the beats as I worked. As I thought about what to write, I puckered my lips and put my black mechanical pencil on top. My lips strained to hold its weight as I read the conclusion paragraph of my career essay. I took the pencil off and leaned back in my chair and sighed–tired from the nonstop writing, and my body aches from sitting too long. 

I looked at my phone which sat on top of my bed frame, and was shut down to avoid any distractions. For the past weekend, I silenced my phone and remained secluded in my room to finish my project, as if my life depended on this single grade.  I'm almost done. It shouldn't hurt to look at my phone for a little break. I shook my head and said, "No, 'cause then you'll scroll on social media for hours and never finish." I stretched my fingers and stayed sitting on my chair.

My cursor blinked as I read the rough draft questions to answer. What is your inspiration? I pursed my lip, lightly tapping my fingers on the plastic keys: do I trauma dump or do I talk about mom? I sighed as I looked at the screen and began typing mom's name.

My door opened and a voice said, "Nova."

I turned around and saw Mom behind me, her hand resting on top of the handle and the other, against the door frame. "Good morning mom, what...", I said as I slipped off my headphones, the song still playing loudly on the speakers. She massaged her hands, letting go of the door, and asked, "I want to ask you something. It's nothing big...anyway follow me to my office." She walked before me as I paused before shutting my laptop and following her, what did she need to talk with me? I left my door open but closed the door to her office as she sat on one of the black plush, chairs placed in front of her desk. I plopped myself on top of the one in front of her and lay on the pillows. I patted the pillows and asked, "Are these new?"

Mom relaxed her back against her seat and asked, "It is, do you like it?"

I nodded and rubbed my hand against the ribbed fabric, "So, what did you need to talk to me about?"

Her lips turned into a tight-lipped smile as she said, "Well, P'Art and P'Nai have been speaking to me about your 18th birthday bash–"

I sat up and shook my head, "I don't want a birthday bash or huge event. I just want to spend it with my close friends and you, mom. You know, I don't do well with things like that."

Mom sat up straighter as she said, "You did fine on the previous events we went to. Pakorn's funeral, the recent charity event we went to...You should be accustomed to it. This is your life."

"But it isn't what I want. It was hard for me to be at Pakorn's funeral, I'm not like the rest of those socialites who can turn off their humanity just so they can sell themselves to the next billionaire for money and prestige. The last funeral I went to was Dad's. I went to that funeral just to appease you.  Plus, I wouldn't have a choice."

Mom sighed and walked towards her desk, sitting in front of her monitor. She already refused to speak about this further from the look on her taut face. "Mom, I don't want a big party."

"You're being too...apprehensive. This event will help you get a chance to network, hon. Will allow you to thrive, and practice being comfortable in the public eye." Mom said as she held eye contact with me. "I don't want my birthday to be tainted as a publicity stunt. It's my birthday. Why would I give the public what they want, when all they've said about me online is malicious, vile rumors or send me death threats!" I argued.

"The chairman wants you and Ren to showcase your relationship more. We can have a private party later–"

I rolled my eyes, "Mom, me and Ren are doing fine. Sure, we aren't going out on dates as frequently as we would like. But, he's graduating high school, and I'm a junior about to be a senior. We have a lot going on not just publicly, but also in private. We've done everything you guys want us to do."