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trigger warning: mentions of mental illness, depression, and suicidal attempts.


    THE MINUTE THEY JUMPED INTO Harry's car that's when Estella had gotten the biggest heart ache of her life. That dreading fear that Zayn could end his life right this moment while they were on their way to him drove her insane. She had rolled down the window because suddenly she felt as if she would vomit, trying to calm her heavy breathing as much as she could but nothing was helping. She was damn near close to fainting. Harry wasn't any help, but she didn't want to blame him for how she felt right now, way too busy pressing his foot harder on the gas petal to speed up the Ferrari he drove, not giving a signal fuck if he was risking this for a ticket.

   Estella thought that this had been half her fault. That she hadn't called him to check and see if he was doing fine after the incident they all had at the café her and Zayn privately met up at to talk at. She didn't ask if he was okay after Harry fought with him, she didn't ask if he wanted her to come over and just talk if he needed it. She didn't ask if he wanted to go out for lunch or dinner with her and Harry—she just didn't ask. And now he felt lost, lonely, depressed. On the verge of dying in his home by his own doing. She didn't know how to feel at this point. She was sick to her stomach.

   Harry felt guilty as well, speeding down the road in over sixty miles per hour, practically gripping the steering wheel for dear life as he tried to contain his anger. The hardest thing about this was knowing that he never listened to Estella when she nicely asked if Harry could just meet up with Zayn and talk things out and rekindle their old friendship. And that if he did, this would have never happened and Zayn wouldn't feel the need to end his life out of loneliness. He wanted to punch the steering wheel, but tried to contain his anger for Estella who seemed more anxious than him. The whole ride she had been shaking her leg and playing with her fingernails, all the while breathing unsteadily and rapidly flickering her eyes here to there. Was always a hint that she was seconds away from a panic attack.

   "Baby," He breathed, Estella never turning to look at him, eyes watering. "Star, I need you to call the police I don't think we're gonna make it on time."

   Body still not in the right state of mind, she continued her motion, rudely ignoring Harry's demand. He grunts in agitation, aggressively yanking the phone out of her hand which caused her to turn her body in his direction. "Give me my phone, Harry."

   "No! I need you to listen to me. We're 20 minutes away from him. You think he's gonna sit and wait for us to come in 20 minutes?!"

   She had this uncontainable desire to cry but she wouldn't let the tears be known to Harry's eyes because then he would try to comfort her and even though that was sweet, that's not what she needed right now. She just needed to get to Zayn as quick as possible.

   "What are you saying?"

   "I'm saying—" He paused to take a deep breath, switching his head from her to the road. "I'm saying that if we don't make it on time then I know who can get there quicker. If they get there before us there's a great chance he could still be alive. If we're late, he'll think we just gave up—that something got in the way and we can't make it to him. I know what he's going through, Estella. You have to trust me. I know how his mind is running right now. The only person he's thinking about right now is himself and how much he wants to end it."

   Estella closed her eyes, blocking away the worst scenarios from her mind as a tear fell down her cheek, finally accepting what he said. "I'll call them."

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