Morning. The haunting gray light of day came peering over the forgotten coffee shop I faced. The small tokens of food the elderly owner would hand me no longer arrive, but I still rest here, a small part of me hoping her spirt would show it's presence.
For a few minutes I admired the sun as it stripped it's self from the blanket of the night sky. It reminded me of the time I left Cheshire, four years ago today. It was Wednesday, June 15, 2009 the dimmed sky was clear and the view from the stars was heavenly from the old oak tree outside of my bedroom window. I would stay awake until the early hours of the morning watching the diamonds shine in the absence of the sun, as if celebrating their secret existence. When the sun started to awake the stars would go back into hiding, fooling the sun. That oak tree was my sanctuary, it was the only place I felt secure and at peace. Nobody could hurt me in the tree, not even God himself. I suppose he hurt me enough giving me the family I had, maybe he was giving me a small break with this space.
The night I was preparing to leave I waited for the sun to show her eyes, to light my new life. When she finally found the sky I crawled into my window for the final time and collected my belongings and left a small note on my bed reading, "I can take care of myself now. -Anna" I left out my window leaving the haunting memories behind.
I stopped a few houses away from mine and began to climb the oak. After effortlessly opening the unlocked window I crawled into the bedroom of my only friend. He let out a groan when I sat on the corner of his bed. "Harry." I whispered. No response. "Harry!" I whispered a little louder touching his hip.
"Anna? Anna? What's wrong? Did it happen again?" He asked in a panic.
"Shhh," I whispered, "he didn't do it tonight. But Harry," I pause biting my bottom lip.
"What is it then, banana?" He smirked and took my hand.
"Harry, I'm... Um, I'm leaving. I'm going to London. Tonight." I watched his smirk fall and the teasing in his eyes fade, quickly filling with tears, with his mouth agape he dropped my hand.
"Anna... Don't leave me" his greenleyes shimmered. There was so much pain in his voice it was hard to grasp words.
"I need to. If I could stay with you I would, but I need to do this for me. I can't stay here any longer."
"One more night? J-just one more time laying in this bed, safe and warm?" He asks wiping the tears off his cheeks.
I sigh, "I cant"
"Anna... Baby..." His voice cracks. And he drops his face in his hands.
I lift his head so he is at eye level, "listen to me Harry. No matter where I am in the world I will always be looking for you. Will you promise he something? Just one thing?" He nods and I continue, "Promise me you will make something of yourself. That no matter what you do, you're doing what you love no matter how scary, no matter how hard, you will do something that you love. That you'll take every opportunity that you get." My tears trickle on his hands like they have so many nights before. "Please Harry. Promise me." He slowly nods as he burrows his face back into his hands. I push his curls out of the way and kiss his forehead. "Lie down, I'll lay with you" I gently push him back.
"Promise you won't leave toinght?" He asks facing, me laying on his side.
I look into his eyes, red from the crying. I nod and whisper, "okay. Go to sleep."
He turns over and starts sobbing once I snuggle up to him. He knows that once he falls asleep I'm going to leave him for good. But eventually he does fall asleep, and after I'm sure he isn't going to stir when I get up I crawl out of his bed, grab my things, kiss him on the cheek and climb out his window for the final time. Before I shut the window I see him getting out of bed, running toward me. I shake my head as I shut the window and climb down the tree. I looked up for a final time to see the heartbroken boy looking down at me. His right hand resting on the glass, tired eyes releasing floods of tears he looked at me with so much sadness, so much confusion. I put my right hand over my heart and extended it in his direction for only a second. A short signal we had expressing that everything was going to be okay. He shook his head and I turned away before he saw my tears. I started my journey with a lie. I knew it wasn't going to be okay. I only hoped he didn't have to see me to find out.
But he did.
To be continued...
