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Something occurred to me... if i am the handmaid, and Feferi is to be the empress, will Equius be the Executioner? Will Sollux be the Psiionic, and in time, The helmsman? I couldn't stand it if everyone I knew became like their ancestors.

I never wanted to be the handmaid really. NEVER. I became the handmaid out of protection and love and a last desperate attempt to try to fix all the shit I've done. My ancestor became the handmaid because of her anger and sorrow. She wanted to destroy, to kill.

I guess i'm just scared. I don't want to end up like her. I do such a good destroying, and losing myself in my work I'm afraid I'll end up like her. And i'm afraid I'll never come home again. Watching Alternia from a distance. It's like the game all over again.

Maybe I'm overthinking this.

But I swear to god, I don't think I'll be able to handle seeing everyone as mirror images of their ancestors.

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