DEFIANT • kylo ren (18+)

19 - Don't worry about that.

"Do not test me." The air between you crackles, a thick taste of leather and masculinity chokes you as you seem to be gravitating closer together.

You let yourself smile in a small attempt to rile him up, "Why shouldn't I?"

A low, guttural noise sounds under Kylo's breath, "Because I'll rip your stitches open again if I'm allowed to fuck you the way you deserve."

The hands on you are suddenly a lot needier.

You can't control the tightness between your legs begging for his hands to be somewhere else.

You swallow your lust. Is he so incapable of being gentle? You can't help but think back to his soothing washing in the shower so long ago, his tending to your wounds, his calm handling of your face when he wants to.

"Do I not deserve your soft touch just as much as the rough?" Your words are barely audible, a whisper of a sentence under your heavy breath.

A beat goes by and Kylo watches you carefully for every second.

"Little padawan," Kylo's face darkens, one hand trailing up to your neck, his fingertips touching your padawan braid. You don't dare to inch away. He grabs you quickly, pulling your body into his chest by your throat. Your lips could touch his chin with how close you are. "Do not confuse me for someone who cares to be gentle."

You gaze up at him with rage. How inattentive does he believe you to be?

"For someone who insists so, you're awfully gentle with me."

The hand on your throat slips from a teasing, pleasurable squeeze into a warning strangle. You yelp and let a hand grip his, silently asking him to take your words as they are. You did not intend to test his boundaries.

Instead of letting you free as you'd hoped, he yanks your face to the side of his head. Your face is smushed against his collarbone as he leans his lips to your ear.

"Pets lose incentive without reward." He drawls, the words cutting into you.

He can't mean that.

You know that is precisely why he said it, and it twists you up inside anyway.

You yank your hand at his, trying to escape his iron grip.

Pets lose incentive without reward.

"Stop touching me." You insist, prying at Kylo's thumb in desperation. His lips caress the side of your face, planting soft, subtle kisses onto your cheek.

Something your heart may have jumped at before has morphed into a horrific symbol of 'reward'. The implication of him treating you kindly, this entire time, just to trick you into enduring the rough makes you sick to your stomach. "Stop touching me, stop!"

To your surprise, he lets you free. You slip off the counter at the side, barely noticing when your leg does not flare up in pain like it should.

The washroom door slides behind you. You glare at the data-pad. How do these things lock? Anger is bubbling under the surface of your skin. You smash your thumb into the screen as stray tears drop down your cheeks.

A dark, skinny hand of smoke has wrapped itself around your mind, and you can't seem to wriggle out no matter how hard you try. Weak. You're fucking weak. You ran from him when faced with the truth. You're being used. Which shouldn't hurt as much as it does, since you're supposed to be pretending here. What the fuck was the point of all this in the first place?

Faced with this truth, that you do care about his intentions, you come to acknowledge just how deep you are inside of this. Just how badly you'd hoped that he wasn't a soulless stranger. After sharing yourself to him so embarrassingly, just for him to discard you with ease, you are left with the knowledge that you risked yourself to try and find someone who only exists in your mind.