Never Safe

Chapter Forty

Bucky sat beside your hospital bed, holding your hand as you slept. You had a needle running into your arm, connected to a tube: you were getting a blood transfusion as you'd lost so much.

Steve had arrived now, and he'd brought Nat with him. She was sitting next to Bucky with her arm around him as Steve sat in a chair on the other side of the bed. They'd done their best to comfort him, but he found it hard to believe any of it. Even if you were fine now, he couldn't eliminate the possibility that it could happen again. And he hated that. He hated the fact you were never safe. He eventually zoned out so Steve and Nat talked between themselves for a while.

It was getting late. Steve left to get some food, leaving Nat alone with Bucky. She wanted to talk to him but she didn't know what to say, and she didn't even know if he would listen. So they sat in silence.

Until you woke up.

At first, you moved your head. You'd had your ear to the pillow, lying on your side, but now you moved so you were facing the ceiling. The white light in the room shone through your eyelids, making you squeeze your eyes shut tighter. You were awake. Your head hurt. It always seemed to hurt when you woke up recently. Something was touching your hand. Metal. Vibranium.

Bucky noticed as soon as you stirred. He watched you intently, waiting impatiently for you to open your eyes. You did.

You saw Bucky. You saw the hospital room. Flashbacks raced through your mind, reminding you of why you were there. You tried to ignore them. Think of something else. Bucky. He was smiling softly at you. He had tears in his eyes. You turned away.

"Y/n" he spoke. You didn't say anything. Bucky picked up your hand and kissed the back of it. You pulled it away from him. Bucky was filled with guilt.

"My sweet heart, please look at me."

Honestly, you wanted him to go. You didn't want him there. There was only one person you did want there. But the chances of them showing up were very low.

"Y/n?" Bucky persisted. "I'm so sorry this happened. I'm so sorry. Please talk to me?"

Nat watched Bucky as he watched you. She thought maybe giving you some privacy was a good idea. "I'm gonna go find her doctor and tell him she's awake." She stood up from her seat, bent over and kissed Bucky's cheek, then left the pair of you alone.

Bucky waited for the door to shut before looking back at you. You had tears forming in the corners of your eyes. "Y/n, it's just us now. You can talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking about. Hm?"

He got nothing. He felt horrible. He decided to wait for the doctor, hoping you would talk then. A minute later, Nat returned with him. Steve had arrived back too, carrying a bag of food. He set it down at the side of the room.

"Hello y/n" the doctor smiled at you. You looked up at him. Your eyes darted to Steve, to Natasha, to Bucky, then back to the doctor. "How are you feeling?"

Your eyes fell to your lap, where you were fidgeting with your hands, picking at loose skin around your fingernails. You could feel everyone's eyes on you. You shrugged ever so slightly. The doctor tilted his head, expecting elaboration, but you stayed in silence. So he faced Bucky.

"I think... it's a bit much. She's very anxious" Bucky explained.

"Okay. Do you mind if I speak to her alone for a minute?"

"Why do you need to speak to her alone?"

"Just to ask a few questions. It may be easier when there's less people in the room."

Bucky seemed reluctant to leave.

"Come on, baby, we'll wait outside" Nat took his hand and pulled him to his feet. Bucky took one last glance at you before walking out with her, followed by Steve.

The doctor sat down in one of the chairs beside your bed. You made eye contact with him.

"I'm just going to ask a couple of questions. Is that okay?"

You nervously chewed on your bottom lip. You didn't say anything.

"Try to answer the best you can."

You nodded a little.

"Okay" he smiled. "Do you remember what happened?"

You knew you needed to tell someone eventually.

"Um..." You coughed to clear your throat. "I... I was at home... on my own, and... and a group- a group of men broke in... and they- they... one came over to me and, he had a knife and I tried to get away but I couldn't so... so he..." You took a deep breath to stop yourself from crying. "He stabbed me" you spoke quietly.

"Do you know why they broke in?"

"My... Bucky, my brother... he's..."

"The Winter Soldier" he finished your sentence. "Do you know if those men, were they related to the work he does?"

You nodded at the doctor.

"So, I saw on the news, just over a week ago, those men came to your school, and took you. Is that true?"

"Yes" you whispered.

He paused before asking his next question.

"Y/n, do you feel safe?"

You had to think about your answer. Your eyes journeyed across the room to the window of your hospital room. Through the blinds, you saw Bucky. He'd been watching you but looked away as soon as you spotted him. You refaced the doctor.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes" you lied.

"Okay... We'll move on then." He proceeded to ask more general questions about how you were feeling. About your pain. He explained the blood transfusion and your treatment going forward. They wanted to keep you overnight, just in case.

He eventually stood up to go. "And you're positive there's nothing you want to tell me? Everything at home is okay?"

"It's fine."

He nodded once in understanding. "If you change your mind, I'll be here if you need."

"Thank you."

You watched as he walked out the door. He spoke to the others outside, before they filed into the room. Steve was the first to say something.

"So, let's eat this food, shall we?" he opened the bag he'd brought.

Bucky sat in the seat he was in before. "So what were you talking about?"

You didn't speak to him. You didn't want to.

"Y/n, do you want a twix or a galaxy?" Steve asked. You pointed, and he handed the chocolate bar to you. You opened it and started eating without a word. Bucky realised you probably weren't going to talk.

Steve sat on your bed and smiled. He placed his hand on your cheek. "You okay trouble?"

"I'm fine."

Bucky was wrong. You probably weren't going to talk to him.

He understood. This was his fault. Everything was all his fault, and you'd finally realised that. He didn't know if it was worth apologising again.