Idk why I'm writing this at all but I just need to get some stuff off my ✨CHEST✨. I think I have severe anxiety or separation anxiety because I've been twitching a lot, I haven't been eating for days and then suddenly eating again, I have just this overload of emotion when the smallest things happen and I just don't know what to do.Im probably not going to make this account an ongoing thing or update it often but it's going to be just a space to let stuff out. They're also not going to be in huge doses of information either. I might put up random things like memes but then the next week put up angsty, sad things idk. I'm trying to get around to reading books again but nothing has really caught my interest. It just gets frustrating at times. I also am having a time at school since I'm pansexual myself and so people either assume I'm just straight and trying to get attention or I am a perv and trying to "get freaky" with the girls. I honestly will go up to a guy and say, "Hey, I like you! You wanna go out some time or exchange numbers?" and they'll go all, "Oh! I thought you were gay..." and just straight (😏) up walk away. I feel better now just talking about everything. I have my pronouns as he/him on the Wattpad Account, I know, but I present as a girl. My parents don't really support the community but don't really hate it either. Like they're fine with me when I say I have a crush on a girl but I can tell that they got weirded out when I asked for a binder. Like for my chest. ANYWAY- Back to my crush. She's just perfect. She moved away a couple weeks ago but she's coming back to our school in either January or February. She's got gorgeous, full, plump eyes, coconut smelling hair, lush lips, dark, silky skin, a caring, positive personality, she's so sassy. She also is so kind to me. I just wanna kiss her, even if it's once. I don't care much for sex so I'm not thinking about that much. I just want to cuddle her and for her to be mine. She's so beautiful. It's like staring at a goddess. I would make her breakfast every morning, massage her back, give her nice food and a cozy home, I would open the car door for her when ever she needed to drive some where. I would do anything to see her smile and laugh. Her laugh is like an angel's. It's so soft and pretty, yet so full of happiness and genuine emotion. Her eyes are like a hot bath you never want to leave. It's the perfect temperature. My love language is physical touch and I would always hold her hand and lay on each other's shoulders. I would give her hugs and sometimes I would lay on her lap and just stare at she talked to some one else. My stomach gets butterflies everytime I think of her and I never want her to be sad. I would gladly raise a family with her if she wanted. I know I've said this a lot but she's just so so perfect. It physically hurt all the other times she crushed on boys and scarcely some girls. I want her to be mine and cuddle in her arms. When I think of love she is the first thing that comes to my mind. She always says that her hair is too greasy or that she is too fat but she is beautiful in a way no human should be. I want to be around her all the time. Everything is so gorgeous about her and whenever she enters the room, it just gets brighter. I get major butterflies just thinking of her. I would love for her to be my girlfriend. I would do anything for her to just be happy, even if that means pushing her away if she doesn't like me. I don't even think she likes me back. I'm genuinely crying since I never realized how much she really means to me and how hard I've fallen. God, she's just so perfect.
