Torn

Chapter 17 - Repeat Offenders & Momentary Forgetfulness

I managed to follow him outside, to the backyard porch, to a set of deck chairs. The metal of the armrests were cold against my covered arms and I suddenly found myself shivering from the weather I hadn’t noticed before. Too wrapped up in Flynn’s confessions, I hadn’t realized how much the temperature dropped since we ended up at the cemetery after school. He noticed me shivering and raised his eyebrows.

“Cold?” was all he said. His voice was clipped and almost sounded annoyed.

I only shook my head, scared that if I said too much he’d be even more annoyed. I didn’t know I was suddenly acting like some love-struck kid who didn’t have a backbone. Usually if I noticed Flynn was starting to act up, I’d just let him have or shut the door in his face. Now, I was too afraid to lose the first person I managed to open up to. I felt important for once in my life…needed even. But as much as I didn’t want to ruin what we just accomplished over the past few hours, my mouth wouldn’t shut up.

“Why are you acting all closed off all of the sudden?” I asked, my soft voice sounding so prominent in the quiet wind. The only light bouncing off of his face was from the moon above and the neighbor’s flood lights flickering on and off. It was hard to see how his face reacted.

But when he spoke, it wasn’t hard to tell how he was feeling. “What are you talking about?” he scoffed, the water bottle making crackling noises as he sipped.

“Ever since we got back…you’re not really talking,” I murmured again, my eyes falling down to my hands in my lap. I couldn’t take it if I pissed another person off so much to hate me like before, again. I just wanted this conversation to be settled, for Flynn to finally stop being some closed off jerk, and for me to feel comfortable once again. 

“God Willow, do you have to analyze every, little thing?” he sighed heavily, his voice terse and harsh all at once.

He sounded almost like Frank then, and I could practically feel the sting in my heart at his words. It was the same aggravation and annoyance that Frank’s voice always held when we fought. It was like he was always disappointed in me for even existing. I tried not to let it show how much it hurt, those words he said and how they came across, and took in a deep breath. I just needed to get myself home before I broke down, that was all. The confinements of my bedroom and my covers were all I needed. I could make it home.

“I think I should go,” I whispered, trying so hard to keep that hurt shoved deep down in my throat.

I bunched the ends of my sleeves beneath my clenched fists, willing myself to make it home without crying in front of him. It was just next door, a hop over the backyard fence if needed. I could hold it all in until I got to my bedroom. Two minutes flat if I picked up my speed while I walked. I just didn’t think I could take Flynn seeing my break down again. By doing so, I was destroying the walls I took so long to build, showing him that weaker side that I wished I never had.

By now, I was down the porch steps and walking along the fence, my lips sealed and my tears just begging to be released. “Shit,” I heard his voice beneath the crickets’ murmurs and the wind picking up. I kept walking, all the while hearing his shoes slap against the wood of the deck and thumping on the ground behind me.

“Willow, stop,” he urged, picking up the pace. “Willow!” he called softly, pulling at my arm.

I took in another deep breath, silently praying that my tears would stay intact and my barrier wasn’t broken. What the hell did he want now? I left, which he made pretty clear he wanted. He pushed me against the fence I walked along, trapping me beneath his arms. I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed, forget that whatever happened between Flynn and me occurred, and drown out the world for a little while.

He always had to make things so hard.

“Willow, come on,” he urged again while I struggled beneath his towering figure. “Stop!”

“You wanted me to leave, so I’m leaving! Let me go,” I pushed against him, trying my hardest to break free from his grip. He still had one hand on my arm and another trapping me between him and the fence.

“I never said that!” he pushed back.

“You made it pretty damn clear that I wasn’t wanted anymore. So I’ll be leaving now,” I pushed against his chest again, looking longingly at the view of my house and bedroom window. I was tired of dealing with his mood swings and overreactions.

One second he was treating me like his world revolved around me, always checking up on me and trying to protect me. The next minute he was yelling at me or talking down to me like I was some sort of child. I was done with the constant head games and misleading promises, the fights and the make-ups that only lasted a few days.

So I tried my hardest to push him away again, putting all the strength I had left in getting the hell away from this mess of feelings I couldn’t deal with anymore. My heart was far too fragile and ready to rip at the seams. Dealing with this catastrophe of a friendship….relationship…whatever this was, was too much for me.

“Willow, stop! Willow,” he said agitatedly. Then, before I realized what was happening, his hand was at my cheek, pushing me to face him, as he planted his lips on mine.

I couldn’t breathe.

His warm lips were playing against mine, seeming to be moving in perfect time with one another. It was like my lips had a mind of their own. It didn’t matter how much Flynn pissed me off or confused me. It didn’t matter how hurt and torn apart my heart was. All I could focus on was Flynn’s lips on mine. I relished in the way his fingers curled around the curve of my neck and up against my cheek again. His hand that was once holding my arm was now around my waist, pulling me as close to him as he could manage. I let out something of a whimper as his fingers imprinted against my skin, not seeming to get enough of him.

My hands pulled at his jacket, pulling him closer than I ever thought possible. One hand ran its way up to his hair and through those gorgeous locks, causing him to moan into my mouth when I pulled just slightly. I could feel my stomach doing flips and my heart going in a frenzy as we kissed, never once letting the other run away. Even when he did pull away to lean his forehead against mine, I still couldn’t manage to find my breath.

“I’ve been wanting to tell you…” he said softly, just a ghost whisper away from my lips.

But the most gut-wrenching, tortured voice fell around us, making me realize that the world was a much bigger place than Flynn and I. More problems we had momentarily forgotten had dug themselves to the surface, showing me that it wasn’t just about us anymore.

“Flynn,” her voice cried softly.