Coincidentally But Eternally Connected

Wasted On You

I was momentarily speechless. My gentle, soft-touch Hope was being very firm and assertive right now, so I decided it was important to listen to her. I replayed the conversation in my head, and then applied her last few sentences to my behavior. I winced. "You are right, Hope. I was feeling sorry for myself, and I did not listen to you earlier. But I have heard you now. Should I apologize once again, or is that not allowed?" I asked playfully.

She laughed lightly. "You apologized enough," she told me. 

"I feel we need to discuss some things," I replied. "But tonight, I only want to hold you. Is that alright?"

"Of course. You can always do that," she said. She kissed me sweetly and then turned to press her back to my front. I rested my face next to her hair, my arm around her waist, and drifted off to sleep.

But the next morning, I was back to feeling moody and bitter. I stared at the table, my uncharitable thoughts toward Hannah resurfacing. "Scowling again?" Hope teased, placing breakfast in front of me.

"I just...I have not forgiven Hannah for what she did."

Hope nodded. "I understand. She made some very hurtful decisions, and we are paying the consequences. We may never be able to go home again. But I want to ask you to look past your feelings and consider this. Do people who feel safe and happy in their lives suddenly pick up and disappear without saying goodbye to their loved ones?"

I shoved away my resentment and tried to return to logic. "No," I admitted morosely. "It is actually quite suspicious. According to your previous conversation with Cleo, Hannah had a 'fantastic boyfriend,'" I used air quotes for that part, "she enjoyed her career, and had lots of good friends...her behavior makes no sense."

"Exactly," Hope agreed, taking a bite of her food. "Although Cleo's report to us is clearly suspect since she helped her escape. And we now know that she and Thomas were on a break. Not to mention Phil's implications that they were messing around, or Hannah recently digging up clues from a past event that was very traumatic. I know we have yet to connect the dots, but I still believe that the accident with Jennifer Hanson and Hannah running away, or whatever this is, is connected somehow." She paused, looking at me. "You said that you were done last night. If you meant it, I will honor that. You're the most important person in my life, and where you go, I'll follow." She took my hand, and I laid it against my cheek and kissed the inside of her wrist.

I closed my eyes for a moment, feeling her skin against my face and taking deep breaths. "You ground me, Hope. I had this missing place in my heart before you came into it. Did you know that I looked for you over the years?" I opened my eyes to see her softened eyes looking at me with love and compassion.

"I didn't know that," she replied, her voice choked with emotion. "I only checked your firewalls and tightened up your security, I didn't want to delve any further. I felt I was invading your privacy enough."

I nodded. "I appreciate that. I almost wish you had, because then we could have found each other sooner, even if that meant we would have to run earlier; at least we would be together. But nonetheless, I knew I had this emptiness. I just didn't realize I was waiting to find you. I was missing the love that only you have ever given me, and the love that has grown for you. That emptiness is gone now." 

I kissed her wrist and hand again. "Now that I have it, I cannot believe I was foolish enough to consider trusting someone a liability. I also cannot imagine my life without you." Hope smiled at me as a single tear ran down her cheek. I leaned over to kiss it away. "No tears, my love. I just wanted to express how important you are to me. I do not think I will ever have sufficient words, but I'll keep trying."

"You're doing a great job," she responded. She looked at me as if I hung the moon, and I felt proud to receive affection from such a woman. Of all of my accomplishments, saving Hope so that she could become this person was the best thing I had ever done.