The Blazing Rebellion

Chapter 49

John POV

John had only felt completely alone a few times in his life. Once when his mother had vanished, once when Claire had turned on him, once when he thought Sera had followed the same path, and finally at this moment. There was no doubt that this time was the worst of them all.

Throughout every single one of those events, his dad had been there. His mother may have been gone, but his dad stayed by his side; his friends may have left him, but his dad didn't blame him. Now, though, without that constant presence, John felt truly lost. It didn't matter that this time Sera was by his side. It didn't matter that some of the students like Blyke and possibly Remi had noticed he was trying to change. Things may have been worse, but at the same time John felt that he couldn't have fallen further.

His original reaction when he'd heard that his dad was hurt was anger. Once that had faded, the sadness and inescapable truth of what had happened had hit. Finally, when Sera had managed to calm him back down through her own tears, a numbness had set it. He'd been feeling it for a week now. Sera had skipped the first few days of school to stay with him, but he'd told her to go; she didn't need to worry about him. He wasn't going to do anything. John wasn't even sure why he got out of bed in the mornings at all.

A part of himself tried to convince him that maybe if he did homework or distracted himself by talking to Sera about anything else, he could feel better. Maybe the numbness would fade if he forgot why it was there in the first place. John had no motivation for this, however, and had a feeling that the horrible truth of what had happened would never fade, even if his dad healed.

Blyke had tried to talk to him a few times, asking what happened, but John ignored him until he gave up. Blyke seemed to take the hint pretty fast, luckily, and started to give him space whenever he left his room to force himself to eat something. Sera came back to his dorm right after school and simply sat there with him every day, until something with Spectre came up. Blyke stayed out later, too, leaving John to himself and his thoughts for the whole day.

He barely moved until the next morning. There was no reason to. He didn't sleep, only stared at the wall; rest only came with nightmares. John managed to stay in bed for several hours before he finally was forced to get up at his growling stomach, knowing Sera would be worried if he didn't eat for two days. That's the only reason I'm doing anything anymore, for her. He sighed.

John had gone back to his bed and was planning to lay there until nightfall when Sera came to the dorm. He didn't answer the door when she knocked; a part of him almost hoped that she would leave. Every time she came, she reminded him to take care of himself. She was just trying to make sure he was okay, but John didn't want even want to pretend he was. He was sick of pretending. All he wanted to do was lay here in the silence, his mind blank.

"John?" The door opened as Sera stepped into his room. He didn't move from where he lay on the bed. She sighed and made her way over to him; he heard her sit on the edge of the bed. There was a moment of quiet between them before she spoke. "I was thinking..." she paused. "I think we should visit your parents."

With these words, the thousands of emotions John had been ignoring forced their way through, sending a combination of sadness, anger, and fear rushing through him. He jolted up in his bed, fighting back a wince as the blood rushed to his head. How long have I been laying here for...?

Sera's eyes widened at his reaction. He turned towards her, a wave of anger taking over. "No." Fighting to remain calm, John laid back down with his back to her. It's fine. I don't need to think about this. I don't need to think about any of it. None of it was fine at all, but he could at least try to convince himself nothing had happened.

"John, you've been laying here for days... I think you need to get up and do something. Maybe they're healing, too! You could check on them," Sera protested, reaching out a hand to his shoulder as if she was going to pull him back towards her. John sighed and sat up again, slowly this time.

He didn't say anything. His answer was still the same. If he did see them and they were doing well, maybe he could feel better. However, the fear of what he could see was too strong. If they weren't healing, if they weren't okay, then he didn't know what he'd do... the idea of seeing them like that was terrible. I don't want to see that. No, I can't see that.

"You need to get out of here and do something. Sitting around here is just hurting you, John," Sera added quietly when he didn't speak. He bit his lip. She's right. Every day felt like he was falling into a deeper hole, one he eventually wouldn't be able to climb back out of. He knew sitting here wasn't the way to go, but he couldn't face the truth... he didn't want to see them. He didn't want to feel that pain.

"...I don't know," He finally told her, avoiding her eyes. Sera sighed. He knew that she was just trying to help him, but it wasn't something he was ready to do... Maybe she knows more than me, though. She might be right. It might be better for me to do something, even if that hurts me more.

"I would be next to you the whole time," She told him, standing up. "Let me know if you change your mind."

John looked up to see that she was leaving his room. He bit his lip. As scared as he was that seeing his parents would only make it worst, he trusted Sera's judgement more than his own... if she was by his side, maybe things could be fine. Maybe things would even be better. He didn't want to get his hopes up, but the pain was going to be there no matter what he did. I might as well at least try to make things better if it won't hurt me more.

Sera opened the door to his room, but John had made his decision. "Wait!" She turned around at his words. Taking a deep breath, John finally stood up from his bed. He took a deep breath. "Let's do it."