The Letters He Never Sent || Minsung

25

I'm about to speak, about to tell him what I feel. I know what I want to say now, I just have to actually speak. I hope I don't go tongue tied this time and ruin it even more.

I guess the universe isn't on my side though. In a quick second, the classroom door opens, startling us both.

We both snap our heads to the door, meeting the eyes of an other man. He takes one good look at us before his expression goes mad.

"What the- What are you two doing in here?" The man yells while asking us, staring at us. "You need to be in class! Get out!"

I don't react at first. I don't like how he reacted immediately and feels the need to yell, but it's understandable. I take a look at Jisung, who is wide eyed and already starting to leave however.

"I'm sorry." He says, wiping his tears and walking to the door the man is holding open. He doesn't even look at me or the man as he makes his way out the door, leaving me behind.

I keep quiet, bowing to the older man and following Jisung out the door. We both leave and walk down the hall quietly, not even looking at each other. We reach his classroom, but before he goes in I stop him.

I pull him back by his hand.

I'm about to ask a really stupid question, but I need to so I can satisfy something inside of me. "Jisung... Are we okay?" I ask.

He nods.

That's all I get from him as he walks into his classroom, leaving me in the hall behind him. I stand there for a minute, taking in the response I just got from him.

I guess it deserve it. I don't deserve for him to jump back in my arms and forgive me, like my mother always used to do to my father. I hate comparing us to them, but they are the only relationship model I have.

I guess people forgive other people differently, not so easily. The fact I expected different makes me realize I'm more like my old man than I thought. I expected it to be easy, but it isn't.

I sigh and start to go to my class, even if I'm already late by half the class. I walk down the silent halls, everything hitting me more and more with every step I take.

I think being alone right now is making me realize what I could have just lost. He brings out the best of me, a part of me I've never seen. He makes me want to wake up every morning, and not go to sleep since I lose the time I have with him.

I realize more and more what I've done. I need to be better. I need to be better for him, I need to do my best. I need to make him feel like I'm trying my best, I need him to know I am.

The tears start to fall, and it gets harder to breathe. I slow my steps, leaning onto the locker next to me. I cry and cry, sinking to the floor.

I don't deserve to be crying, I don't deserve to be better. But he deserves a person who is better, and if I'm not that person for him; I will become that person.. for him.

I bring my elbows to my knees, holding my head up with them. As I'm sitting on the fifty more, I hear footsteps slowly approaching me. I take one more breath and I look up.

I meet the eyes of an older women, the principle. "Minho?" She says to me. "Are you alright honey?"

She kneels down to my level, putting her hand on my shoulder. "It's everything okay? Do you need to go home?"

I nod. "I've had a rough day, but I'll be better tomorrow I promise."

She shakes her head, clicking her tongue. "You're already good enough, don't push yourself too much. If you need to go home now you can, it's okay. Everyone has rough patches."

She finished her sentence with a smile, rubbing my shoulder. Her words make me feel better, because she didn't yell at me. I have had enough yelling today.

"Thank you, thank you so much." I say.

She nods and helps me stand up, holding my arm. She walks with me down the hall, handing me a handkerchief to wipe my tears. When we reach the front office, she smiles at me again.

"Go home and get some rest, I'll excuse you from the rest of you're classes." She rubs my head. "It will be okay. I don't know what's going on, but it will be okay."

I nod, giving her a little hug. It's unnecessary, but she made me feel so much better and I don't know another way to thank her. I start to walk out the front door, heading to my car.

I drive home silently, my mind filled with too many thoughts. I feel if it's even a bit louder, I will cry from frustration. Whenever it gets loud, I'm suddenly a kid again tuning out my parents yelling.

When I get home, all I want to do is crash. It's not even past lunch time yet and I'm just exhausted. I sit down on my bed, after everything annoying is off of my body. I can't have anything touching me right now or I will freak.

I hate this.

I hate the way I cried so much today. I shouldn't cry, I have to be strong. But crying doesn't make you weaker, crying is good. Crying can help you get rid of all your stress, and I always feel better after crying. Except now, of course.

I feel myself start to get drowsy, so I know I'm going to crash soon. I slide under the covers, laying my body on its side. I stare out the window at all the cars.

I wish I could be like the people on those cars. They are probably all pushing through their problems, and some are living life. Every car has a different story, every person in that car has their own memories.

I feel the tiredness overtake me the more I think, so I just close my eyes. Sooner or later, I fall asleep.

-

I felt like I had to give Minho that sort of mother figure right now. I feel bad making him so alone.