It All Started With a Diary

good

How could I be good if the woman who created me, grew me, carried me, said, and swore that I was not?

But, that was the thing...I wasn't a bad person.

So many people have different versions of you to tell to others', whether it be good or bad, but it doesn't matter. They don't matter. You have to know the qualities of your own heart in order to be affected by such exclusions to it.

I knew mine.

I wasn't a saint, but in my time here, I learned one of many things. I was a good person, but I was even better to those who were the same to me.

And, that was what Kade was to me. He taught me to blossom, to remember to kiss my scars instead of cursing them. To let go of the very things that were holding me down. To say fuck it to those very things.

He taught me that even if my mothers' love couldn't be unconditional, others' could be. That it was okay to accept that love. He learned me, and he loved me.

I couldn't let him drown when he'd held me above shore so many times. I knew he'd give me his own lungs before I even dipped under water too long; hell, he had by fighting six men for me.

If I was asked the question right now, I would admit the truth without influence. Kade was a good person, regardless of the things he said that day. Regardless of what happened, that fact didn't change. His heart was big for the ones he cared about.

He had a good heart to his baby brother, to his friends, and family. To me. I couldn't let that get taken from any of us. I wouldn't.

Afterwards, things would remain the same: I would continue on with my plan to leave. Without Kade. I couldn't let this deflect from the pain he caused.

Even if his fear was an explanation, it wasn't an excuse for me. It was highly doubtful, but if there were a chance between us, it would have to wait. The pain was too raw to wake up, and carry on as if nothing happened.

I hurried to text Levi with my answer. In a matter of seconds, he responded: he would be here in a couple of minutes. I assumed he was at Ravens', though it shocked me that he would let her attend the fight. I needed the support though, so I was grateful for her attendance.

I hurried to get ready, the next couple of minutes blending into a blur. I decided on a hoodie to help disguise me as much as possible, just in case Chivo's plan was still on, but the thought of Levi and Luke being there helped me relax.

Without a train of thought, I fisted the necklace by the chain, and shoved it into my pocket. Every time my fingers grazed the metal, I felt my insides jump with nerves.

Finally, my phone buzzed in my hand. I lifted it to see a text from Levi. He was outside.

Just as I swiped for a response, my heart stilled at Kade's contact, which wasn't too far. My finger hovered above the bar, my eyes painfully dragging over his last text message from a couple of weeks ago: I love you.

Those three words grasped at me, and settled in my heart until I forced myself to shut the phone off. I wanted to text him, to let him know that I was coming, but decided it best not to. I didn't want to get his hopes up for something that wouldn't happen, again.

The phone buzzed against my leg, only speeding my exit out of the room. I already knew it was Levi, so I continued toward the door. Everyone was gone, so that only made it easier to get there without issue.

Hurriedly, I locked the door behind me then, advanced toward the roaring sports car. Levi and Raven were both standing outside of it, but from her tone, she was agitated. Her voice fell when she saw me.