Handcuffed

Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Standing in front of my mirror, I didn't like the person I was turning into.  My eyes were filled with sorrow, my expression just tired.  I'm not great at self observation but I could notice this.  I'm blaming it all on these fucking emotions.  Emotions are tricky bastards, fooling you to feel something and all it does is bite you in the ass.  I missed having sarcasm as my best friend, blocking out the hurt.  I missed having no conscious, not feeling anything.  I didn't care before and that is what I want now.  I didn't want to care about Luke.  I didn't want to think over what his problem might be.  I didn't want to worry or love the guy.  It was just pain; pointless pain at that. 

I sighed, running the comb through my now dry hair.  I just finished blow drying my hair after I had got out of the shower.  It was a process I enjoyed; it felt good to clean up and it made me feel better in return.  However, this time I still feel like shit.  You could only really see it in my expression though.  Looking over my body, that now supported light pajamas, I found I looked the same as I had at the beginning of summer.  Nearing an unfortunate end, the only difference is that my skin is tanner.  My hair was a bit longer, but the hoops and curls that ran down my shoulders and back were just as shiny and thick as before.  How I wished physical appearance could only be that and not grant the access to your inner self like my face was doing.  Fucking emotions. 

A knock at my door interrupted the silence as well as the repeating pattern of my comb sliding through my hair.  It didn't matter which one of them it was.  It would suck seeing Luke after how he's been acting.  And like I want to see Clare.  The fucking bitch was the last thing I need. 

Glancing to my clock, I sighed.  7:38pm.  Brushing away my previous thoughts, and hopefully the stupid sadness in my face, I headed towards my bedroom door.  Opening it and... what a surprise!  One of the two other people that live here!  It was Luke!  Oh fucking joy!

"What?" I asked immediately, looking up into his eyes.  He met my stare and I instantly felt my stomach twist and breath catch.  So much intensity... feeling... I hated it.  It makes me feel so weak, especially because I know it's because I love him.  My god, his green eyes could swallow me whole. Standing before him, I couldn't help but want him with all of my being.  So tall with a strong build... I wanted to run my fingers through his hair.  He was just perfect. Not to mention, unlike me, he was dressed up in a light button up shirt as well as black slacks.  His shirt tucked in, his belt hugging his waist and made him look even better.  Damn. Could I sound any more pathetic people?  I was sounding like a teenage girl.

He took a deep breath, looking down for a moment and breaking eye contact.  That was the best move he could have made.  I didn't like feeling lost in his eyes.  I wanted to be in control right now and it was something I had to maintain. 

"Um... I need to talk to you." He said, uncomfortable.  Obviously, the tension was still riding between us full time now.  It's so strange.  I felt so close to him the night he told me about his past and when I fell asleep with him.  Now... he's just moving further away, and in so little time.  It's shocking how much he's started to pull away from me.  Not physically exactly by just avoiding me but you could just feel it in the air; he's withdrawing from me. So you can imagine why I was suspicious at what he had said.

"Why?" I asked. 

"Because it's important."

I rolled my eyes as I opened my door wider.  "Fine," I sighed.  Walking over to my bed, I turned and sat down on the edge, watching him follow and sit beside me.  He was noticeably a fair ways away but whatever. That's a new hobby of his: avoiding me.  He's doing pretty good at it.  Another hobby he's great at: being a bastard.