Sixty : Birds set free

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I've never been afraid of death, it's always been the least of my worries.
That was before I met Xander, my Atlantis. He's terrified of death, it's his biggest fear and he's been able to find a way out of it even though he's job put him at risk his entire life.

Now I'm terrified of death, not because of the pain, not because of the unknown.
No, not that, but because I don't know if I'll ever see my Atlantis again. I'm terrified of never feeling his touch again, of never feeling his soft lips collide with mine. I'm terrified of a life without him there.

"You look great, I promise!" Amalie tries to convince me, as I look at the mirror and see my new, or lack of hairstyle. "I look like an alien" I smile, half lidded as I look in the mirror. My hair is fully gone, it was about time honestly. I hear the door open, and Amalie looks straight away, I don't though. I already know who it is by the look on her face, and I know the person coming with by his steps.

They come closer, and then they stop, probably noticing my new look.
I look out the window, the best part of this is that Xander made sure I got all the treatment I needed while at home, in our bed. I loved it, I could stare out the big windows all day long. I never got tired of it. The sunrise, and the sun going down. The moon. The stars.

I gulp, plastering a smile on my face as I say jokingly, "do you still think I'm beautiful? The silky black hair is gone."
"You're the most gorgeous girl I've ever laid eyes on, princess." My smile turns genuine as I look to my right, my tired eyes widen when I see them.

Xander, Pablo, Luca and even Bruno. All shaved.
They shaved their heads, every single one of them. Even Bruno and Pablo, they love their hair more than anything yet here they stood with buzzcuts. They did that, for me?

"Oh my God" I whisper, fighting the tears crawling up.
"It was Bruno's idea" Luca said, pointing to a grinning Bruno. They all came closer and I looked at Bruno with a tired smile, "what about the girls? How are you going to die by pussy suffocation now?"
They all laugh as they nudge Bruno and give him small remarks.

He sits down next to me, "the girls" he says throwing a quick glance at Amalie, "Love it, don't worry."
I have no idea what's going on between these two, but if me being sick brings them closer it would be more than I could wish for. I'm still convinced that they're soulmates, they just don't know it yet.

"You have a heart of gold, remember that." I say to Bruno, watching as his face softens at my words.

Bruno's way too hard on himself, he's always pushing himself down and putting everyone's needs in front of his own. He may be playful, he jokes a lot but deep down he's also struggling. He chooses to struggle in silence, because he doesn't think he's struggles are as important. He always downplays his trauma. I hope one day he finds the person who can help him face them and beat them instead of drinking them away.

We all sit and joke around for some time. I feel my body giving out, and Xander senses it so he tells everyone to leave because it's getting late. He always does that because he knows I have a hard time doing it myself.

He locks the door and sits next to me. Caressing my cheek and placing gentle kisses. It's been a long time since he's touched me that way, we haven't done anything since the day I fainted in the kitchen. Partly because he doesn't want to hurt me, he says my body is weak and needs to heal first. But I also think that he blames himself, I think he found some way to make this his fault.

Yet he's been really strong, he hasn't broken down even though I have. Way too many times, in his arms. He soothes me, he strengthens me and he's there for me. Blocking out his own emotions.

"I miss your touch" I say calmly, looking at him with half lidded eyes.
"I'm touching you now" he answers, brushing his hand lightly against mine, almost as if a little pressure is going to ruin me. I let out a weak breath, "You know what I mean, I miss feeling you. You barely touch me, and when you do it's like you're afraid of breaking me."

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