murky waters | carl grimes¹

19. terminus

tw: conversations regarding sa

I stayed behind everyone as we walked the tracks toward Terminus, I didn't want to be around any of them right now. I missed the privacy of the prison. If I didn't want to speak to anyone I could just go to the showers or hid out in my cell. On the open road, I had to stay close.

That didn't mean I had to talk.

Silent, I watched as Michonne and Rick coddle Carl. I couldn't tell if I liked how they treated him after all of this. Then again, I haven't placed myself in Carl's shoes. Rick had taken Carl's gun at the prison, stopped him from killing the fence walkers, and didn't allow him to go out on runs. I didn't allow myself to become weak. Even Rick became weak in my eyes back at the prison.

Hershel tried to explain it to me, telling me I needed to take a step back but I didn't view it the same way. I needed to be able to survive and to survive in this world, means never becoming weak.

Maybe how they were so gentle with Carl was the right approach to it. If it was the right approach, why didn't they treat me the same way? Part of me hoped it was because they saw how strong I was. Carl and I were a year apart, and maybe they could just spot how I could take this world better than him. Or maybe they didn't care to.

Our pace slowed as Rick approached a piece of plywood, he kicked the leaves off of it and it revealed Terminus in black lettering. "We're gettin' close," Daryl announced, "be there before sundown."

"Now we head through the woods. We don't know who they are," Rick said, letting Carl and Daryl head towards the forest. 

I followed behind, keeping a safe distance between everyone. I dodged some of the branches as we trekked through the woods. 

Daryl was right, we were right at their boarder, a fence wasn't far from the tracks. Michonne, Rick, and Daryl approached it, having Carl and I stay behind as they scouted out the location. 

"Are you okay?" Carl asked, he took a step closer to me and I flinched, "you know I'm not going to hurt you," he whispered. 

I looked at him, concern was written all over his face. "You didn't see what my dad did to him back there, did you?" He asked, almost sensing that I wanted him to change the subject off of me. 

I shook my head. All I knew was that Rick's face was covered in blood and that Carl was also keeping his distance. "He killed that guy by biting into his neck, I've never seen him..." Carl shivered, "I know he was protecting us. But it made me think, I'm just like him, I-" Carl was cut off by Rick's announcement. 

"We all spread out, we stay close but we watch and be ready," Rick announced. 

"Kid, let's check it out over here," Daryl said, nodding his head towards one side of the forest. I looked at Carl, he gave me a nod and that's all I needed to head over to Daryl. 

Daryl and I walked close to the fence and I tried to look at the place. It looked large but it was quiet. I don't think the prison was as quiet as this place was. "You feelin' any better?" Daryl asked as he pushed aside a branch.  

I shrugged, "I'm still alive," I answered, I could see my breath turn into white fog as I spoke. It was cold out, I still wore Daryl's large black button up under my jacket, it helped keep the cold away but my face stung as the wind hit against me. 

"That's not what I asked," Daryl shook his head, he stopped and looked at me. 

I am sure I looked horrible, I still had blood stained on my face, I hadn't been able to wash my hair in ages and the river was too cold for me to even attempt to wash myself. The only clean thing I wore was Daryl's shirt and that was hidden away.