Chapter fifty-seven

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(Ruin my life by Zara larsson until the next song suggestion)

"Dr. Green?"

I snap out of my thoughts and look at my last patient of the day, "yes sorry." I smile, handing over the paper slip and setting up our next appointment. God I'm tired, my body needs days of sleep. I'm wearing a mask, so the patients don't get scared by the cough, but it's gotten a little better.

"Thank you!" She smiles, before making her way out of the office. Usually I was excited to go home again, but now as I stood up and changed my clothes, I dreaded the walk back to an empty apartment. It's been two days since I gave Xander my diary, and he wasn't there the next day when I woke up.

The diary was raw and showed all the emotions I went through. At least that was the first half, the second half listed reasons I hated Xander, and reasons why we could never get back together. Maybe it was mean giving it to him, maybe I did hurt him, but when I wrote that I was hurting. That was the entire point, to show him how much he hurt me, and I guess it did, enough for him to leave. Maybe he just got bored and realized that there was no chance of us getting back together.

My body ached as I opened the door to my apartment, but relaxed a little when I got greeted by Barszik.
"Hey baby" I say, crouching down and scratching his belly. Weird thing is that he actually did well when Xander was here, they both did. It seemed like they had set their hatred aside for each other aside, maybe they even missed each other a little, in their own weird way.

I felt myself get dizzy and decided to head for the kitchen and grab some food. The fridge was of course filled with food, thanks to a special someone. I grabbed a yoghurt and headed for my room, stopping when my eyes hit the bed. I tilted my head as my eyes expressed the confusion on my face, stepping closer.

Three books, journal alike, laid on the bed. Each one of them had a number from 1-3 and had about a hundred pages each. I opened the first one,

"You showed me your diary, and your emotions. You showed me all the things you hated with me, and why we couldn't be together, now it's my turn. -Yours truly."

I gasp as I realize what it is, flipping by the pages fast and seeing a sentence on each side starting with a number. The page goes on, "Here's all the things I love about you and why I fell for you."

1.     I love your courage, if there's one word, I would use to describe you it would be courage. You face tough situations, and you do it wholeheartedly. Your courage is the reason I get to live today, and I will always be thankful for the angel who turned around without hesitation and slammed a chair on my psycho brother without caring what would happen to her.

2.     I love your strength, I once called you weak and it was a mistake I've learned never to repeat, because I was wrong. You're the strongest person I know, you've faced battles and wars others would have lost right away, while you came out even stronger. No one is strong enough to shut off the light inside of you, my star.

3.     I love how caring you are. The crazy girl who saved a stranger in an alley, and taught me how to see the better parts, how to forgive and how to care.

4.     I love your eyes. Do I even need to explain? Just look at them.

5.     I love your laugh, it brightens up my day no matter how shitty. It's genuine and real, I could listen to it forever.

6.     I love that you don't give up. No matter how many ugly sides you've seen of me, you've never given up on me, you've made me focus on the better sides of myself, and you've helped me grow in ways no one else, including myself could.

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