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20 • Tell Me You're Joking

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When we finished the choreography series, dripping sweat from dancing and singing for the last three hours, I felt

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When we finished the choreography series, dripping sweat from dancing and singing for the last three hours, I felt...strange.

On one hand, it was the best night I'd had in a long time. This was musical theater like I'd never experienced it. Tabatha Reins was an intelligent instructor who taught me inside tips and tricks I'd never would've figured out on my own. She also challenged me to put more of my heart into the music.

"There's suffering inside all of us. Take what you feel in here," she instructed, pressing a hand against my heart, "and put that power into your voice. Do you understand?"

My gaze slid to Maren. "Yeah, I understand."

"Good, now do it again, but with suffering."

I thought I knew suffering. I spent a long time pining after a girl who didn't love me back. But, suffering took on a whole new meaning when I watched Patrick lift Maren off the ground as she belted out a love song that cut straight to my heart.

Her voice was different from anything I'd heard before. Deep and soulful. A salve to years of loneliness.

But she wasn't singing to me. She was singing to him.

Something flamed inside my chest, and I realized it was jealousy. Why was I jealous? Maren was my agent, not my girlfriend.

I contemplated my feelings as we learned the first measures of the audition song. I was probably just jealous Patrick had been chosen to sing the lead—the pretty boy that he was. Blonde hair and blue eyes. He was the kind of good-looking I wasn't.

The same kind of careless handsome that always won girls over.

Being the only Asian guy in the room wasn't helping my confidence either.

Focus West, I chastised myself. This night was supposed to be instructional, not about my damn feelings. Instead of succumbing to the jealousy, I tried to sink into my assigned character and channel the suffering I was supposed to be feeling. Which turned out to be easier than anticipated.

By the end of class, I was dripping sweat and wished I could peel my tank top off and go shirtless. I thought stripping wouldn't be a good show in front of my agent.

However, Maren was more absorbed in a conversation with her former client and not even looking at me.

"You did great for your first class!" Tabitha said as I was grabbing my things. "Why don't you stay and take my tap class? Maren told me you're a natural."

I cast another look at Maren, who was leaning in close to Patrick while he whispered in her ear. Jealousy tore through me once again.

I had to get over this stupid thing I had for her. Caring about someone else led to heartache and betrayal.

"I'll even let you stay for free," Tabitha added.

I hesitated with my response as I watched Maren march over to the cubbies and grab her purse like it pissed her off, before stomping into her shoes.

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