A Court of Shadows and Lightening

Chapter Four

The hallway leading to the library is ominous.

The darkness from the interior of the mountain seeping into the delicately designed walls.

Rhysand's pace doesn't falter as he pushes further into the dark.

I hesitate.

Immediately the High Lord of the Night Court pauses and turns to me.

"Everything alright?"

I swallow the bile that rises in my throat. I hadn't been.. underground since Amarantha.

I berate myself silently. I knew this was under a mountain. I knew the library was here.

"Yes." I say forcing my steps now, pushing myself onward.

I wasn't afraid but the anxiety pushed in, the instinct to flee roared in my ears.

"Adalin." Rhysand doesn't move from where he stands a few paces in front of me. I stop.

"Is Helion aware of.. what happened under the mountain?"

I blink at him, the question catching me completely of guard.

"Of course not." I reply quickly, pushing loose dark hair behind my ears.

Rhysand gives me a solemn look that somehow still looks understanding.

Anger rises in my stomach but I swallow that with the bile.

"I got my revenge, the justice is paid. I will be fine." My voice is curt and cold.

Memory flashes over Rhysand violet eyes and suddenly I see him again, standing in that doorway as Amarantha places a hand on his chest.

Her cruel eyes watching him take in the sight of what is my worse living hell.

I can still hear the sounds of the whips and smell the smoke.

I take a step away from him but when I lift my foot to walk past him I pause.

"Revenge is not always what is needed to heal."

The words are a whisper and I can't look him in the eyes.

"This is nothing," I say to him but more so to myself. "There has been and there will be worse."

I believe those words, under the mountain was horrible and those memories did wake me up from night to night.

But I dreamt more often of ice blue eyes, blonde hair and my sisters blood.

Under the mountain was fake memories, a cruel play of what I already faced and what had already broken me.

With Tavian alive, that was a pipe dream compared to what could happen. To what might still happen.

Rhysand is studying me, no longer empathetic but curious.

The silence between us is heavy but I don't know what else to say.

"Give word and I can take you back to the townhouse."

I nod wordlessly, the same slithering uncomfortable feeling in my stomach.

Helion did not ask about my troubles or he did and I did not give much for him to examine.

He cares silently and I preferred it. What good could words do then to only drudge up the past.

I watch Rhysand's back as he leads me again. I saw what he endured, saw and felt his pain.

Yet his shoulders were relaxed, he was well and calm. His mind seemed clear and he was... happy.

I was glad for him. The empathy he showed me over the centuries even when he didn't know me always shocked me.