The Limits of Love

More Than This Moment

Thank you for your patience and support for getting this next update done. I hope you enjoy it. As much as I am frustrated with the writers, I love this fictional couple as much as all of you do. As always, I endeavor to do them justice. Sending love ahead of the premier which will likely give us no encouragement to continue – xx, Ash

Shaking his head, putting thoughts of Beckett to the back of his mind, Robert headed towards his bunk. When he closed the door and flicked on the bedside lamp, he saw an envelope waiting for him. His name was written neatly across the front in penmanship that could only belong to one person. Sitting on the side of the twin bed, his hands shook slightly as he opened it.

Dear Robert,

I'm not really sure where to start, but I figured a letter was better than trying to say all this face to face. The last time we talked it didn't go well.

It seems crazy that two people who went from enemies to friends to lovers through coffee and conversations could struggle so much to communicate, but that's where we are now. Honestly, I hate it. But what I hate more is that we've ended up here at all. Clearly, still loving each other but an ocean of hurt and distrust keeping us apart.

I've wracked my brain, shaken my fist at God and just tried to figure out how it's fair that the person who wasn't looking for love and the person who didn't think this kind of love was possible couldn't make it work.

What was the point? Why did we get to fall for each other if it wouldn't last? Why did we get to make vows to each other if forever wasn't actually in the cards for us? I hope saying that doesn't make you feel bad. That's not my goal. Just giving you a peek into how I'm feeling right now.

I won't rehash all I shared before about my trauma, grief and therapy, but I do hope it brought you some peace. I'm sure you spent countless nights wondering how the woman you thought you knew could turn into a complete stranger overnight. It wasn't you. And while I can't accept full responsibility for where we are, I know that a lot of why we're here is because of my unresolved stuff. I know you didn't want a divorce. I also know we broke things in each other that just couldn't be mended and pretending that we could or trying to force you into staying together wasn't fair.

When I asked my attorney to file the motion to dismiss it wasn't because I wanted to hold you hostage. I thought it would be a grand enough gesture to show you that I was willing to do whatever it took to fight for you and for us. Hindsight really is 20/20. I see now how flawed my idea was. I've realized, the most loving thing I could do is set you free.

I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy. Even... if that's not with me. You waited a long time, fought for us and I just didn't get here fast enough. I gave you no choice but to move on. I'm sorry I was too late.

Please don't let this harden your heart or make you guarded again. It might take time, but be willing to try again because you deserve a long, long life filled with love.

I hope as you move forward you'll take with you all the good stuff that came out of our relationship. The friendship, laughs, the love, the memories... I really am grateful for all the ways you showed up for me, cared for me and did your best to support me. Thank you for being the safest place I had. Thank you for showing me a love and tenderness I didn't know existed.

You are an incredible man, Robert Sullivan. One of the truly good humans in this world. Don't forget that.

All my love,

Andy

By the time he'd reached the end of the letter, Robert couldn't help the tears that trickled from his eyes. He folded the pages back up and picked up the thin stack of papers that had accompanied the letter. Thumbing through he reached the final page where a King County Superior Court judge had signed the divorce decree and it had been stamped by the court clerk.