His purpose (you die, I die)

Chapter forty-five

Mama doesn't answer.
"Mama please" I cry, "don't leave me here, take me with you." Nothing's helping.

Mama doesn't answer.
"I promise to be good, I promise to do everything papa says, p-please" My heart is hurting.

Mama doesn't answer.
"Who's going to draw hearts on me now?" I whisper, as another tear escapes my eye.

No one, no one is going to draw hearts on me.
No one is going to tell me that everything will be okay.
No one is going to tell me how much they love me.
No one is going to love me.

My eyes widen as I wake up, deep breathes.
I breath in and out, feeling the drops of sweat rush around my entire body.
It's just a nightmare, a bad memory that's nothing more than a nightmare now.
Another nightmare.

I've escaped death hundreds of times, yet I've never found the answer on how to escape my biggest enemy, my mind.

I look at the clock on my wrist, 4:38.
I stand up from the sofa and feel my entire body ache, sleeping on this sofa is not only ruining every single night of sleep but it also aches like a bitch, I can't even fucking feel my back anymore.
Although I've slept way worse places, usually not willingly.

We have more than enough spare rooms in the penthouse for me to sleep in, but my body refuses to touch any bed that doesn't have Luna in it, until she decides that it's okay for me to sleep next to her, I'll keep tormenting my back.

I make my way to the bedroom and slide without making a single sound, so I don't wake her up as I make my way to our wardrobe to grab clothes for the gym.
When I'm fully dressed, I make my way to the bed.

My beautiful angel is sleeping so peacefully,
of course she is, her evil little mind is probably dreaming about a hundred new things to do to annoy her way out of this penthouse.
Little does she know that I'd rather wake up to her vacuuming the living room at the crack of dawn, or blasting Nicki Minaj through the speakers, than wake up without her at all.

I place a gentle kiss on her forehead and make my way out again, heading to the gym on my floor.
I need to blow off some steam, and even though I'd rather box a person instead of a boxing bag, the bag will hold for now.

"Don't be a fucking pussy Xander, there's plenty of lowlifes you can kill that no one will miss"

I throw a jab, hoping it'll block out every single thing on my mind right now.

"But I don't want to kill anyone papa! I want to build houses and make mama proud of me!"

Another jab, as the same dark voice keeps on playing through my head, the voice I hate the most.

"Your mom is fucking dead so stop being so fucking delusional and do as I say. You're going to build empires when I'm done with you, everyone will know your name, they'll fear you more than anything but that's exactly how you'll get respect."

I keep on punching as I feel my surroundings black out, and if this was a person and not a fucking bag, it would've been dead a long time ago.

"I want to have a family that I love and that loves me" I say as my head hangs low, almost ashamed.

"You're not born to be loveable, stop being so fucking weak Xander, love is a weakness and we don't allow weaknesses in this family" He shoots, killing what he deemed to be my weaknesses slowly.

"I hate you! I hate you so much, I wish you died instead of mama!"

He smiles, a wicked smile only an evil man from heart can master, "then I've done a good job raising you because now I know that you're capable of hate, and hate is a feeling way more powerful than love."