It's Never Easy

Chapter 6 - Arianne

Arianne

When we finally got into the club I immediately headed to the bar with Dion, he watched intently as the bartender made my drink and took a sip first before handing it to me.

Then he got swept up by his football friends, and was carried to the dance floor. But even then, he kept an eye on me. I leant against the bar, swaying with the music, enjoying my drink and watching everyone enjoy themselves. People watching was one of my favourite past times. Lena had Astor on the dance floor, despite what she had said to me in my room, she was clearly still trying to have a go at him, pressing herself up against him as her body moved sensually with the music. Jealousy had me downing my drinking and asking for a shot. When I turned I noticed that Astor was rigid against her though and was carefully trying to pry her hands off him. Once he had disentangled himself from her, his eyes roamed the room, searching for something, and when they landed on my, he grinned. He started to make his way over to me.

"Where are the bathrooms?" He yelled over the music, once he made it to my side.

"I'll show you." I yelled back, and on instinct I took his hand and lead the way. "They're gender neutral." I explained, as we joined the queue in the dim but quieter hallway.

"You're holding my hand." He stated. I looked down at our intwined hands. So I was. But I didn't immediately let go. This wasn't like me. I was always acutely aware of my body, overanalysing and dissecting every move I made. I made every movement with purpose, the purpose of avoiding men and keeping safe. It was exhausting but necessary. You don't make the same mistake twice. But with him. I didn't think about these things. I didn't think at all. I just acted. Holding his hand felt like the most natural thing in the world.

I leant against the wall, still not letting go of his hand, my thumb stroking up and down his thumb. "I have a confession." His hands were so much larger than mine and I felt safe with them entwined with mine. I felt like I could tell him anything and there'd be no judgement.

"I'm listening." And he was, listening intently, his eyes never leaving my face. I stared at our clasped hands.

"I'm not a germaphobe. I just don't like being touched by men."

"I guess it's not obvious, but I am, in fact, a man." I looked up at him and a giggle escaped. He smiled down at my, like making me laugh was his life's mission.

"Oh believe me, it is obvious." I felt my cheeks warm. "But you know..." I trailed off, staring at our hands again, running my thumb over his knuckles. "You feel different."

"Different?"

"Maybe it's the Canadian in you, but you just seem...nice."

"And you trust nice to touch you?"

"I trust you."

"You don't know me."

"Are you saying my trust is misplaced? Are you going to attack me?"

"Of course not. I would never harm you. I promise." It was right on my tongue, to tell him it wasn't just because he was nice. There was something in me that felt compelled to touch him. Craved it even. We hadn't been paying attention, lost in each other again and forgetting that we were in the line to the bathroom. Someone had become inpatient with our lack of movement and shoved me from behind, toppling me into Astor. His arms immediately went around me keeping me upright. Astor growled. Actually fucking growled at whoever it was behind me.

"Don't get pissy at me bro, you're the one holding up the line!" With his hands still on my waist, he walked us up to our rightful place in the line.

"Don't fucking touch her again." The harshness in his voice had me jerking out of his hold. "Arianne..." He said softly, in complete contrast to his eyes which were dark and cold, warning me to not take another step. I clenched my fists to stoop them from shaking.

"I, uh, I didn't even need to pee." I stammered, swinging around the corner and back into the chaos of the club. I pushed my way through the sea of people, but the people weren't moving fast enough, it was like walking through quicksand, no matter how much I elbowed my way through. Anxiety clawed it's way up my throat and the longer it took me to get out the harder it became to breathe. Finally, I burst through the door into the fresh air, taking big gulps of air as if I'd just escaped a fire.

I stumbled into the alley and leant against the brick wall with my hand over my heart trying to stop it racing. When it didn't, I bent over and put my head between my knees, taking as deep as breathes I could. I blurry figure crouched in front of me, they tried to take my hands but I pushed them away.

"Ari-" Dion. I immediately collapsed into his arms. He held me tight until my breathing cleared and my panic-hazed mind was able to think coherent through again besides run. He produced a bottle of water from somewhere which I guzzled as he gently rubbed my back. "What happened?"

"Astor-"

"I'll kill him."

"No, he didn't do anything. He just lost his temper with someone and I just lost my fucking mind."

"Being scared of someone when they're angry is a completely natural reaction."

"Having a panic attack isn't."

"Don't be so hard on yourself." Slowly, he pulled us up to stand. "Ready to go home?"

"Just put me in an cab, I don't want to ruin your night."

"You know I'm not going to leave you alone." He continued to hold me close as he called for a taxi.

"I thought he was different." I whispered into his chest. God I was so stupid thinking I'd been so miraculously fixed, all because he touched me for one second and it felt nice.

Dion looked down at me, with so much pity in his face, I hated it. "Maybe he is." I rolled my eyes. "Taxi will be here in five." He took my hand and we rounded the corner out of the alley, just as Lena and Astor were exiting the club. Astor's eyes zeroed in on my hand clasped in Dion's.

"Annie baby are you okay?" Lena said rushing up to me, and holding me at arms length. She had probably had five times more to drink than me. I brushed her hands off and nodded, mumbling that I was fine. "I got the rowing captain on the hook, do you mind if I stay?"

"Of course not, go get him." She grinned widely at me and kissed me sloppily on both cheeks before skipping back into the club. I saw Dion anxiously watch after her. "You can stay with her if you want to." I could tell he was conflicted, concerned with how much she had already drunk in a short amount of time. "Seriously D, put me in the cab and you can track me to ensure I get home fine."

"I'll get her home safe." Astor said, finally speaking.

"I case you weren't aware, bro, you're the reason she's leaving in the first place." Dion bit out.

"It was a mistake. I'm sorry and it won't happen again." It wasn't said to me though. He wasn't apologising to me. He was staring purposefully at Dion, his eyes harsh, and to my utter disbelief Dion conceded. There was no time to challenge him on it though because the taxi pulled up, and I was concerned about Lena too, I wanted him to keep an eye on her. So I gave him my best reassuring smile and got into the car with my new short-tempered roommate.

"So, you have anger issues." I tried to joke, tired of the silence, but the laugh in my voice felt fake even to me. I was more angry at him than scared of him now. He had looked over my head and apologised to Dion for scaring me. What kind of possessive alpha male bullshit was that?

"No. I became angry when someone attacks you. I'd say that's a pretty normal reaction."

"So is being scared of someone when they lose their temper." I said, repeating Dion's words and still not believing them. Slowly, like he was trying not to scare a baby deer, he took my hands into his, his eyes connecting with mine. It felt like he was staring into my soul and I was terrified of what he saw.

"I am deeply and eternally sorry for scaring you."

"Oh, I-" Deeply and eternally sorry? Who said things like that? Who was he, Mr Darcy? "It's okay, I have a fragile disposition. I'm sure to any other girl, the possessiveness would be hot."

"I don't care about other girls."

Those words echoed around my head long after we'd said goodnight.