It's Never Easy

Chapter 5 - Arianne

Arianne

This man had only been here a few hours and I was already telling him my life story. There was just something about him, it compelled me to talk about myself. He was so casual and easygoing, it created an aura of calm that had me baring my soul to him.

Most men made my skin prickle with unease, he made my skin prickle for an entirely different reason. More than once I had to remind myself why I stayed away from men. I was becoming obsessed. And it wasn't just because he was hot and incredibly charming. There was something about him. Something I couldn't quite put my finger one. But like his soul called to mine, like I'd actually known him all my life, or in another life, and him being near me was like coming home. Not that I believed in soulmates. And I was sure that he seemed to feel the same about me, although that was more than enough reason to stay away.

So I avoided looking at him as we ate and the spent the rest of the afternoon in my room. Trying not to think of him and more than once reminding myself why I stayed away from men.

Astor didn't join us for the carbonara Dion made us before we went out. I was beginning to think he changed his mind when he finally emerged as Lena was searching for the shot glasses. And my mind stopped functioning as he sat next to me. He was wearing a crisp white linen shirt that stretched deliciously over his broad shoulders, and his thick thighs flexed in faded grey jeans. Holy crap. This man was built like a fucking god, how the hell was I supposed to keep my hands to myself? He smirked down at me, as if hearing my thoughts, and stretched his arm along the back of the sofa, so close he could twirl my hair around his fingers if her wanted. His fingers twitched, as if he was dying to do just that.

"So, spin the bottle to break the ice?" Lena suggested as Dion chucked Astor a beer.

"I don't wanna kiss any of yous." Dion said quickly.

"Truth or dare? Never have I ever?"

"Or, we could just chill and enjoy our drinks."

"Boring." She grumbled, but leaned forward in her seat opposite Astor, "So what part of Canada are you from?"

"We live in the Rockies, in Alberta."

"I don't know why I asked, I have no idea where that is." She drained her drink and then got up to get another.

"Alberta? That's in the West right?" I asked, turning my body to face him. It was my turn to learn more about him. He nodded in answer to my question and took a swig of his beer. My eyes tracked the movement as his lips wrapped around the bottle and took a long pull, his adam's apple bobbing when he swallowed. My mouth filled with saliva as I thought about his lips, and what they would feel like on my own, on my body. I had to swallow hard and force my eyes to work their way back up to his face. My face must've clearly shown what I was thinking because his eyes glinted with mischief and I knew my cheeks were pink. "Must've been a long journey to get here."

"Yeah it was like eleven hours from Edmonton with a lay over in Calgary."

"Are you not exhausted?"

"I've never felt more alive." He watched me so intently, he sole focus on me, I could almost believe we were the only two people in the room. His fingers on the back of the couch inched closer to me, until they ghosted over the back of my neck sending a shiver down my spine. He smelled like the woods, outdoorsy and fresh, it was so primal, and intoxicating. His scent wrapped around me like a warm blanket, stirring something inside of me that had me leaning back in his touch until his large hand was cradling the back of my head, his thumb rubbing the back of my neck, gently, soothingly.

"Can yous finish you drinks, I wanna go." Lena whined, forcing me back to reality, like having a cold glass of water thrown in my face. I jerked away from his touch and stood up. The reality was he was a stranger, I didn't know him. He was my new roommate and I didn't have any evidence that he wasn't like every other disgusting male out there. I didn't want to think too hard about the fact that he didn't trigger any of my usual trauma responses. No struggling to breathe, no sweating, no shaking, no crying, no panic attacks, not flashbacks. Sure there was some anxiety, but it lingered at the back of my mind, around the edges of my hard. It wasn't hard and icy like usual, making my chest tight and painful. It actually felt easier to breathe around him.

Maybe it was just the therapy session I had had early this morning in pre-emption of having a new male roommate. Maybe it had actually worked. The other four years of therapy hadn't been that effective, but sure, the one I had this morning had somehow worked miracles.

The voice in the back of my head told me that was a lie.

He was just different.

Everyone was watching me after my abrupt movements. Astor gave me a small, soothing smile, which wasn't the reaction I was expecting, having just flinched out of his touch. Dion watched me with cautious, almost amused eyes.

Lena clapped her hands and jumped up, "Finally, let's get into action." She took my hand and pulled me into my room. I sat on my bed and pulled on some knee high boots, the back of my neck still tingled from where his hand had been.

"He's totally into you." She said from the floor, where she was pulling on a pair of my chunky biker boots.

"You know I'm not going to go there."

"I know, you wouldn't normally. But he seems nice, and clearly wants you." I opened my mouth to remind her that men are trash and I had issues but she cut me off, "I'm just saying. Don't shut him down before he's had a chance to prove himself. See where the night takes you." I sighed, it was exhausting always being at war with the voices in your head. And my therapist had always, not so subtly, suggested that I should make some new male friends. Start trusting new people again. So, maybe, if anything, I could be his friend.