Your Favourite Crime

bonus

Adriana

I wake up to an empty bed, which is odd. Damien usually stays in bed with me until I wake up.

When I open my eyes it's still dark so I assume he's in the washroom. When I roll over, I see the bathroom light on. The doors open and I can see him looking in the mirror.

He's examining his body. Mostly his stomach. He looks frustrated.

I get up and walk into the washroom. We look at each other through the mirror and he tries to smile but it's so fake.

"Why are you awake, gorgeous?" He asks

"Because I felt an empty bed and wanted to know where my husband was... What's wrong, Damien?" I walk up to him and cup his face.

His facial hair growing back, too fast.

"Nothing... Just a little dysmorphia," He shrugs. "I'm getting too big again."

"No you're not. You know I love when you're bulky," I say

"Yeah, but this is too big. Look at this. You can't want this." He shakes his head, looking in the mirror

I turn his head so he's looking at me again. "I will forever want this body. No matter how big you get. I'll always love it. You think I want a skinny man?" I question and he shakes his head.

"Exactly. I love my big man. These big arms that I always feel so safe in... And look... You still have abs, you've just been eating really well. You're still healthy, Damien. Your kids love your body and so does your wife. Don't think you have to change," I tell him

"All I can hear is my dad's voice in my head. Saying I'm too big and that I need to lose weight and when I look into that mirror all I see is that little boy who just wanted to please his dad," he sniffles, looking down to hide his red eyes.

"Baby." I pull him into my arms and rub his back

In the 5 years Damien and I have been together, I've only seen him cry a few times. When we lost the kids, when we got married, when we had our boys and the adoption.

All sentimental moments. Seeing my husband cry because he's mentally hurt, makes me want to cry.

A man who intimidates anyone that doesn't know him, is really a emotional man.

"Let's go back to sleep, Ok? That's what you need," I suggest and he hums in agreement. "I love you. I love everything that comes with you." I pull away and look up at him

"Ok. I love you too." He pecks my lips  and I take his hand, leading him back into the room.

We get into bed and he immediately pulls me into his arms.

"I don't know what I would do without you, my love." Damien pulls me into his chest and I sigh deeply, very relaxed in his arms.

____________

I stand in the kitchen, crossing out every ingredient and nutrition list on stuff Damien eats.

I've done this once and noticed how it helped him, so I've decided to do it again. Especially since I've just done some shopping.

I woke up early to do this while he and the kids sleep.

Fortunately I was able to come home and they were all asleep except one. Dayton, our youngest, was up and ready for the day.

He sits in his high chair, eating some fruits and babbling to himself as I do this.

"Morning." Ethan comes downstairs. His hair tossed everywhere and eyes still puffy.