Hope

Chapter 9

Hopes POV
2 weeks later: week 5 of hospital stay.

My eyes are getting redder, my face paler, my body thinner, weakened, and fragile. My insomnia is getting worse. my mom is still in a coma. I haven't seen her since the accident. Reason: I'm scared. Just scared. Scared, I'll completely break if I saw her lifeless body. I have to keep going, I have to stay alive for them. I need to stay strong, no matter what I have been told, what I have been through, what I have done... I need them to be ok. Because if they are not, I will never forgive myself. I might sound heartless sometimes, but I'm not, I care so much about my family, and even Tyler. But I keep treating them like shit, like I have a badass attitude. I can't help myself,ugg.
"Knock,knock!" Baylinn came In with my breakfast she made at home, smiling at me. Baylinn and I, have been getting along really well lately. She's kinda all I have right now. I don't see my dad as much these days, but I still see him, I'll say, every 24 hours. Ya, I used to see him like every 2 hours so... I really think he actually really does care about me. These days I've been extremely depressed, just repeating some of the hurtful, yet truthful things everyone has said to me. Maybe I've been delusional this whole time, maybe they have cared all along, maybe it's all in my head? And my parents, especially. I just want to know what they think of me at this point. Do they...like me? Something is just telling me 'no they don't?! After everything horrible you've done to them? Why would they care about you. Ya, they have to love you because you are their precious daughter. That doesn't mean they genuinely like you.'
"Hello? Hope?" Baylinn said, waving her hand in front of my face.
"Oh I'm sorry... Just thinking." I said. For once, that wasn't a lie.
"It's fine, but you really have to get your mind out of those thoughts." She stated. And she was right, I had too. But how?
"How's Tyler..." I asked.
"Extremely depressed." She stated bluntly. This girls' smart, she knows how I like my answers, don't sugarcoat shit. The best answers are the ones given truthfully. Oh the irony. I really shouldn't be talking about the truth.
"Oh.. Well, that makes two of us." I laughed. She did also.
"He really cares about you." she said.
"And I care about him, I just need time. I really hope he can move on, and be happy again. That's all I want for him." I said sadly.
"Me too. And for you of course also. I just came to give you food, and make sure you were okay." she said.
"Just fine.." LIES.
"Anything new.. You know, with your mom..?" She looked uncomfortable, unsure how I was going to react.
"You can ask you know." I laughed. "But no, nothing new." I said quietly, disappointed,and angry.
"Hey, it may take time, but no ones giving up on her, I promise." she said. Wow, for some reason, that little piece of advice gave me hope.

.........
"Hope?" My dad said my name louder. Of course I was in a daze, like usual.
"Oh ya, sorry, what?" I looked confused because he had a really concerned look on his face.
"The doctors said-if you wanted... You could uhm- see your..mom.." He said the last part in almost a whisper. My breathing hitched. No, no, my weaknesses are coming to attack me. I'm starting to break at just those words. What do I do?!
"Hope, do you want to see your mother?" He asked.
"How long am I gonna live?" I didn't even mean to say it. I didn't want to know the answer. It was so random, yet it has been on my mind since I found out.
"Sweetheart." He whispered, while tearing up.
"I have a right to know!" As I said that, a nurse walked in.
"Of course you do Hun." The nurse said." But we don't know much about this kinda cancer, it's very rare." she sighed.
"Do you know anything!?" I screamed.
"Not much right now dear. But you will have to start chemo soon..Or surgical removal of the tumor." She said. "Actually, I'm here because we want to answers all of your questions. Come, we are going to another room." She said, motioning me up. I started to walk again, and I hate it. Ugh, this hospital smells, and the nurses annoy me.
" I don't have any questions." I stated annoyingly.
"I believe you do." she said. I don't care.
.......
At this point, we were in another room, talking about...my form of cancer.
"Yes, mr. Macintosh, surgical removal has a chance of not working. We could also use radiation, which is not very good for the patient. Chemo is a good option, but is also not guaranteed. It also takes very long, and has a couple side effects..." she said. I didn't say a word throughout this whole thing. I just stared at a white wall.
"What do you think Hope?" The nurse asked.
"I don't care. You can all go to hell." And with that I left. I was heading to the cafeteria alone. I usually stayed in bed being served. I felt a powerful impact on my chest.
"Watch where you're going, Jesus." I scoffed. The boy just stood blankly, mumbling, 'I'm sorry'. He was bald, looked tired, like really tired. I rolled my eyes, and left. I ignored everyone who tried to talk to me. I got my food, ate it, and left. I passed a room I don't remember. I saw a note, it read, 'Mrs. Macintosh, no trespassing, will be prosecuted.'My heart went to my stomach, and I could feel my heartbeat in my ears. I was sweating, I reached for the door handle, and...I opened the door. What I saw was heartbreaking. I did this to her. I put my own mother into an induced coma, because I'm a bitch, always have been. My mom was on a gurney, her face tore up, her leg looked infected. Her whole body looked like hell itself. I saw a note on the side of her bed, it read, 'leg amputation, blood transfusion(A+), kidney transfusion, liver transfusion'. And the last words hit me hard...'heart transfusion.' She would need all of this, that's if she wakes up. I needed a minute. all these years of ignoring her, now it's too late to tell her 'I love you', just once. Oh what I would do, to just say that once, and have her hear me.
"Hi mom. It's Hope, your bitch of a daughter. I hope you don't mind me being here. I love you so much, you mean the world to me. I'm sorry I've never said it, but you do.." I started to tear up, I squeezed her bruised hand.
"I'm so sorry this happened to you. It should have been me. I know I think about myself like a lot, but these past few weeks I've been really bipolar on who I've been caring about most. Me or you..? I'm trying to change, for you mom. I need to start appreciating life, and you. Because family is most important, please forgive me." At this point I was sobbing. But everything I was saying, was true.
"One last thing.. Mommy, I have cancer. I'm gonna die. But please don't miss me, I don't deserve to be missed. You focus on you, get better. Be there for Jack and Canter,okay? Be there for daddy, cause I ruined things with him too. I will miss you the most ma. I love you." And with that I heard noises coming from outside the door, then two people came in. Shit.
"Excuse me, are you authorized to be here?" The lady asked.
"Um... No, but this is my mom." I wiped the tears from my face, blushing from embarrassment.
"No one is allowed beyond the door, without proper authorization." She exclaimed. Authorization my ass.
"Authorization my ass." OMG, I said that out loud.
"Please exit. We are bringing you to security." she said handcuffing me. Oh great. I walked to a small room, with security at my hand.
"You know you have committed a crime." The security guard said.
"It was my mother, sue me." I said sarcastically.
"Would you like an attorney?" He asked.
"Actually yes-" I started confidently, then my dad came in, angry. I slumped in my seat.
"We don't have money for an attorney! Hope, what did you do!?" My dad screamed.
"Sir, your daughter was unauthorized to be in a certain room, and if you don't want a lawyer... You will pay the fee." The officer stated. Oh great, fee.
"Well!? How much!" My dad looked horrible, worse than ever.
" 10,000 dollars sir." The officer said. I think my dad will kill me before the cancer does..

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Read the chapter in order guys lol