"Complete disorder, and confusion"
That's one of the many meanings behind the word chaos, a five letter word that seemed so small, yet had such a strong impact.
Here I stood, those five letters seemed to be everything I needed to describe the situation I was put in the middle of right now. It felt like I was dropped in the middle of the ocean, and for each direction I looked, I could feel hope disappearing out of my body. Each direction made it seem more and more clear that I couldn't be further away from the shore, further away from my destination. From getting out if this chaos.
Instead of water, I was seeing blood, lots of blood and bodies that seemed to be seconds away from losing their soul. The more seconds passed, the bluer they turned. Its funny, you'd think after all these years I would be used to seeing this sight, but today was different. Today was pure chaos and almost no hope.
I looked up at the nurse, her lips were moving but no sound was coming out, it felt like my body had gone into a state I couldn't afford to be in now, I couldn't do this. All the what ifs had formed into a hand and were now using all the strength to strangle me. Wrapped around my throat like a necklace.
Two simple words snapped me out of the trance I was trapped in, and finally let the sound enter. Like a storm, it all hit faster than lightning and I was fully aware of my surroundings again. I blinked a couple of times, just to make sure that this wasn't some sort of nightmare I was trapped in.
"Dr. Green you have to snap out of it, the patients need you"
I've always wondered what it felt like to be needed, to have someone that depended on you, to be loved. Maybe that's why I chose this career path. Maybe it was because I wanted to give, what I never felt I was given. But right now, I hated this choice. I never thought this day would come so fast, so unexpected. I wasn't prepared. I'm not prepared.
I looked at the sweat that ran down nurse Rose's face. She was stressing just as much as me, if not maybe more. One small mistake, and we'd have ended something we were supposed to save.
"I can't do it" I mumbled, the words felt so wrong, I was made for this, I was born for this yet here I stood failing miserably, and letting my fear take over me. "I'm not prepared"
"You are, you're the best in this residency, you're practically already a surgeon" Rose looked at the bodies around us, panic filled her voice, she knew that this pep talk was the most important one out of all she'd given me the past years.
"You haven't made it this far to quit" That sentence was what I needed, it calmed the storm in me. I'm not a quitter. I'll never be a quitter.
"I need you to be ready to switch between tools, and when I say stitch you have to be fast" I started giving everyone directions, it was now or never.
After 13 hours, the first and last beep came, everyone heard it, yet I felt it. Disappointed face and silence. I felt it all.
Three months later
My phone lit up, I didn't bother looking at it this time. I already knew the texts word for word, letter after letter. The same sentence formed in a hundred different ways. The pity, and the begging, I had memorized it by now. All of it.
-Are you sure about this
-It wasn't your fault, everyone makes mistakes
-If you want to talk, we're here for you
Everyone makes mistakes, that's right, I was a big believer of that. I was also a big believer of second chances, because everyone had something good inside of them, even if you need to dig to find it. No one is born evil, and nothing can ever change my mind about that.
It's funny, I say that everyone makes mistakes and deserves a second chance, but here I am, running away from my second chance. I was a hypocrite.
"Flight number 3685 to New york is open for boarding"
I look at the cage beside me and a small smile appeared on my face, this time it was a genuine one. I looked down at the cage besides me.
"Ready for our new adventure Barszik?"
I turned my phone off while making my way to what I now shall call,
my second chance.
YOU ARE READING
His purpose (you die, I die)Romance
UNDER EDITING Her life is dedicated to saving lives His life is dedicated to taking lives She believes everyone deserves a second chance, He believes that only idiots give more than one chance. She believes life has a purpose, He doesnt believe i...