Prologue

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"Do you realise how impossible it is to love someone like you?"

Her throat was raw. She must've lost her voice after hours of sobbing. 

"And I still found a way for you."

"I know, I know," I murmured faintly. I wanted to comfort her. I stepped toward the bed but she cowered back into the bedsheets, stopping me in my tracks. It felt as though the vertex of a dagger was toying across the centre my chest.

"You have no idea, Harry," she whispered.

Her cheeks were rosy and her long hair was in tangles over her precious body. I couldn't explain how beautiful she was, no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't even bring myself to tell her now. Then again, I suppose she wouldn't want to hear another word from me.

My mind was slipping into a state of panic. I said only what I could think to say. "I'm trying, baby-"

"Don't give me that bullshit, Harry."

I knew she wouldn't want another excuse. I didn't have another in any case. I fucked up. The alcohol was still coursing through my veins, driving my nervous system and thoughts.

We stared at each other silently. The more I gazed into her lonesome, blue eyes the emptier I felt. They were usually so full of life and intent. They fed me energy. Without that spark, I was dead. In this moment, I felt as if I was.

"I'm sorry. You're right. It's absolute bullshit," I mumbled.

She wiped her wet eyelashes and hugged her arms around her knees. "I can't stay here."

"But-" Now I was at a loss for words. "Th-this is your home. With Darcy... and me."

She shook her head. "I want to leave."

The knife I had felt earlier drove into my flesh and ripped me open. It just missed my heart.

"But, I love you. I swear with everything. I love you."

She shut her eyes tightly and another tear rolled down her cheek to her chin. I kept my eyes on it, watching it drop onto her knee. I caused that tear and each one before it.

She deserved far more than my love. Most of me wished I didn't love her, that she was free from me. I wish I had been kept from her.

"I love you too, Harry," she murmured. My head arose and a selfish part of me rejoiced. But it was short-lived. "That's what makes it so hard," she went on. "You've caused me so much pain. I know you don't love me back."

Another blade sliced straight into my heart. I felt the pain strike immediately; through all my years and the trauma I had endured, I had never known anything like it.

My eyes burnt and watered. It was so foreign to me, yet I hardly recognised it over the harsh, suffocating tightness of my chest.

She brought herself to her feet and tugged my sweater over her thin top with weak hands. I bit my tongue not to cry out her name. It was screaming through me, echoing along my bones. It begged for me to do something.

"I'm sorry. I have to go," she said, shattering me. Every last bit of me.

What else could I have said? Stay? I was worthless to her, a broken person whom she had cut herself on trying to fix. My eyes blurred through tears and I blinked at her rapidly, so desperate to verbalise from numb lips.

She was out the door in a second and I was on the carpet the next. Sobbing. I dug my finger nails into my palms to stop it, but it was inescapable; what I had done, how I had hurt her.

I forced myself not to get up and apologise and beg for her forgiveness. I forced my wretched self not to bring her back. She was crying for my love, but she had always been better off without me and the baggage I carried.


A/N

Wow, thanks for clicking onto my work.

I just want to say that the fact this book is mature does not mean that I've made virtually every chapter R rated. It means I was stupid and forgot to censor some bad words on the chapters that happen to be bad. Figures. Although, there are scenes that contain sexual content, substance abuse and foul language for mature audiences, so I guess I'm doing the right thing here.

*There will be no warning besides this one ↖. Please make good life decisions.*

Overall, though, I've focused this story rather on the way love can alter someone's mindset in terrifying ways, for good or for bad.

I sincerely hope you enjoy it because I've worked really hard toward that. I'd love to hear your thoughts along the way, so don't be shy!

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