EXISTENCES

Third Note "Summarize"

huh...look where we are, here i am after a year of not seeing this book, now im 21 years old a college student and for the most part a part-timer cashier register and art freelancer, yes look like the mural of the koi that i saw when i was little still stuck in my head thinking it again how beatifull it look, so i study a little bit of art and love it and here in this time was also the last mailed my brother gave me it said "you'r big now you could make you'r own money no? if not then hopefully i could still help with 20.000 yen a month, why if you ask? cause you should make you'r own money, this is all i could help you with now, i know you'll understand cause i know its you" well luckly i have shed lots of money from saving since high school so i didn't worry about it. Being a part-timer in a month i could make atleast 53.045 yen a month plus 20.000 yen a month from my brother....yes that will do, ever since i share my thought to my family none of them want to speak to me they called me weird, crazy,scary and other thing that doesn't make sense to them but my older brother has always taken interest in my thinking and theory about existence every people has it own viewing based on their believe but i guess my older brother does the exact same thing as me even though slighly more normal? is it a right term for it? i don't know but i guess that'll work, he also question alot of stuff but not so particular nor detailed.In any cases only something that may woke his interest nor maybe believe again this system of believe is quite strong in people thats why some people tend to do the extreme by this believe system, like how some of my college friend does drinking to much alcohol and even using drugs now how do i say this....this existence of what they called drugs make me nauseas,ached my stomach even thinking about it and made me even more griefing than before why? it is purely just destroying the body of the user nor should i say human...like why!? i don't get it what is the satisfaction of destroying you'r body? and why its sole purpose of existence is really dark and more so scarier than of a demon ? or is it the demon that strive them to do that?  that's where i learn more about emotion and new existence called environment lets talk about it one by one, as i know human has 3 main emotion angry,sad,happy and in this case why drugs was used was because of sadness mainly focus on depression if im not wrong hopefully, its also because the environment they live in also support that which is something really dreadfull if you think about it really carefully...so that mean a good life was mainly cause of environment ? surely its not just that but for the most part i guess it is? no perspective is also probably one of the key about this, if their viewing is different from the environment they live in than that's would never happend.

in one of the stuides i learn is public speaking and on that subject the lecturer ask all of ask to stand forward to give a presentation of whatever you want...motivational,life stories and other stuff that you want to share on..in an instant of anything i could think of other thing than tell this research of existence i have been doing for almost two decade of my life. I speak with proud and loudly as i can about what has it been for me to search and answer the meaning of it, told all my story and everything with cleareance and such detailed, of course all of them started looking at me and eachother thinking what a weirdo i am, even the lecturer was so suprised about it and said "woah....what are you? like really im confuse here, you dedicate you'r live on such stupidity on a level i couldn't tell, trying to be the next Socrates?, Plato?,Aristotle? what are you trying to explain here? and why would you ask the source of existence? look stop it,were here alive on this earth on what purpose? to make money, to eat and to be able to be happy without making any contracdiction or stupidily ask about every iny mini miny moe of little detailed in this world ok? do you understand me? its not hard to live this life just do the normal thing like a normal people does" every body look at me as i came back to my seat, still the very thing i remember was their eyes....they looking at me like im not their kind or perhaps not as normal human should be..which is true in a sentence i never felt human like more so a puppet, but never i have ever felt more humiliated since i was a kid until now. shame was the thing written in their faces when they look at me. But no i would not stop like my lecturer said this is barely even the beginning there's no stopping now.

as my lecturer said before human live without questioning them selve about this 'normal rule of life' they have, you studied until you'r grown up then you make money, from it you eat after that buy stuff to fullfill you'r desires. Is that what is their only thinking? like isn't that would also rise question about why do you need to study until grown up? why does eating cost money like wouldn't it be better free for the sake of all human? like how did these 'normal rule of life' even came from? agh....too much existence in this life that's rather easily acceptance by people and just repeatedly and repeatedly again acceptated by people. but before its getting hardly unthinkable i let that question sink in through the deepest of my mind and focus on the main question about the point of pointless Existence? hah no this is more than just pointless this what i have been searching for almost two decade,the meaning of it.

and the conclusion i have by now is that existence is a fact, mostly more than a matter nor a being of something that is alive and maybe objectively keep its truest form in reality or imagination...example? the existence of atlantis, lot of people believe it was one of the buried city and island lying west of the strait of gibraltar, even plato the philosopher itself stated that atlantis could be found in the atlantic ocean, but no record was ever found nor traces of the city was found only the writing of plato itself was the only known record of its existence. yes by now you'd probably understand what i meant by the meaning of existence in my perspective but.... it doesn't satisfy me or even make me felt accomplished. by any means it doesn't really fill the hole in my head that i thinks it should be........huh.....i wonder.......ah the purpose of it right ,one last question before i could finish it and said i did it, is the purpose of existence now this is the most hardest thing to question in life you know cause its just straight up like asking how were even gods are here in the first place? but again giving up never occured in my head. The last question took me almost two decade of my life how could i answer this one without doing so?

After so long spending time going back and forth from studying to library i found a book that interest me it may represent somewhat of guide nor maybe just contrary of believe in people mind?. The name of the book is "Epistulae morales ad lucillium" or more commonly known as letter from a stoic written by lucius seneca, is i thought so to be a diary of the man itself, a handbook of just litterally stoic philosophy principal and Almost every question you could ask is anwsered by this book, but not a single thing represent the purpose of what i question existences but it is to my knowing that i maybe the first to answer it the purpose of existence. Again as i said iv'e read alot of books by now, i got an idea about how more so either meaning for it, father of philosophy thales of miletus said that "things change from one form to another" he also said that "everything must be made of the same thing" what does it help me? is that is meant that existence  do change to another and every other existence and does made by the same source of existence  by this i have come to a point to know that the purpose of the source of existence was to made it to another existence for people to studied it and could change nor stayed however we liked it but even then still it was made by the same source of it.

Philosophy....that's is one example of a beatifull of existence, with it we could change on how people thought of something, we could change how people act on something and studied the very existence and made a change of form for it. maybe Philosophy is the way for me, it help me look the world. it bring how my perspective of the world is not so different, it made me realize im not the only person questioning this universe.....ah just when i thought im finish and said this is it the old question i have of universe i did mention it before did i?.... the universe nor multiverse......there is hope for it though it may seems irelevant with this theory but lets disscus it, the father of philosophy thales of miletus has a main idea as i mention before and it said "everything must be made of the same thing" how would it apply here? the theory of multiverse was that it had infinite universe so that meant it wouldn't be the same...but thales of miletus did also said that "things change from one form to another" which in this case seems to be it...but hardly, if it is that then the theory of multiverse isn't going to be so hard to describe...the very existence itself is still questionable but still i wonder........what would i be on that other universe?.