Notes in Ochre

Chapter 17 - Part 2

"Well, that was something." Mrs. Smith observed, before shrugging and turning heel, promptly leaving the room. I flushed as I had lost myself so thoroughly that I even forgot she still stood there. I felt like such a ninny. Mercifully, Briar kept her mouth shut, but I spied her her piercing glare from my peripheral vision, and it spoke volumes without an utterance needed.

Mrs. Smith barked about when she would return for us from down the hallway, then disappeared around the corner. Only then did Briar turn so no one could see her mouth to me, "What the fuck are you doing? That's the enemy! Even if we do have to save him."

I tried to shield my response from the two men in the rooms as I mouthed back, "I don't know!" And I really didn't. I had no idea what was wrong with me, but when I looked back to Uther, I felt drawn and I could not explain why. I did not want to feel this way. I should not allow myself to feel this way. We had a job to do and these feelings were nothing more than a distraction. I knew it wasn't love, how could it be? After all, we had only just met. If I was honest with myself, I knew that I was stumbling over nothing greater than lust. A deep shame burned within me, settling at the pit of my stomach like a stone at that knowledge. I knew what men could be like once they had finished romancing you, what they could become. I had lived that life. I never wanted to risk living it again. I shook myself in a way that was meant to be mental only, but registered externally as a shiver. Uther seemed to reply to my reaction as he shook his head, seemingly hoping to break himself out of whatever trance had held us both as he closed the small book in his hand.

"It's time we get started." He stated, gesturing for my sister and I to sit down across from Matthias at his desk, where he placed the small book he had been studying earlier in front of where we should sit. Briar and I crossed the room, and she took the chair farthest from Uther, thus forcing me into his proximity. He flushed a little, pulling out my chair for me and we exchanged awkward greetings. I felt, more than saw, Briar rolling her eyes behind me.

Uther cleared his throat, and continued. "This may not be the best beginners manual, but it will need to suffice. Most Mages in this castle are advanced enough not to need such material, so I was glad to find we have even this much to work with."

"What about the children?" Briar asked.

"What children?" Matthias grumbled dryly.

"The children who must be born in this place, of course." she bristled. Uther and Matthias looked at each other, but I could not interpret the look that passed between them.

"There have been some instances over the years of children being born in this place, however, there have been remarkably few." Uther answered, hesitating. This time, Briar and I exchanged a look, but of unmasked confusion.

"Why is that?" I asked. I had not thought of children, but Briar was right, it was only natural with people sharing space like this over a life sentence that children would follow. Not for everyone, of course, but for it to happen so rarely seemed more odd.

"We don't know exactly. We know some women end their pregnancies with some of the herbs that Sarah grows, though as I am sure you both know, such remedies are unreliable, at best. Another theory is that it may be a side effect of the magic in the castle, as many women seem to have trouble keeping their pregnancies, though we cannot be completely certain." Matthias stated, his brows furrowed in deep thought. I thought I saw a moment of pain flash across his face, but I could not be sure.

"That is incredibly sad if that is the case," Briar said. "People should at least be able to build new lives here."

"I agree, but we know for a fact that it is not an intentional spell woven into this place through our research. That said, the magic that courses through this castle is of the ancient kind, which is far less predictable than what we practice today. It can have many unintended consequences in its use, and there are many many layers of spells on this place, such that no one could hope to untangle that web. What I mean to say is that no one could truly understand what may occur as a consequence." Matthias explained, shaking his head sadly. While the effect may not have been intentional, I had to agree with Briar, it seemed too sad that the people here would overwhelmingly be denied the comfort of children.

"Though one does wonder. The lack of material that would be expected and needed to train children properly, as we do in Ferndell for any Mage, is clearly and intentionally missing. Matthias believes it is a consequence. While it is true I have studied the different spells recorded to have been laid upon this place and cannot find one which would cause such a curse either directly or indirectly, I cannot help but notice that this library seems intentionally lacking in materials for children." Uther observed. It was a good point, but given the nature of this place, there was an obvious counter point that could be made.

"Perhaps it was simply hoped the parents wouldn't teach their children magic, or wouldn't be able to?" I hypothesized. "Not to mention, when people are sent here it is rarely with all the necessary materials to begin anew. Banishment here, after all, is intended to be a punishment."

"You're right. Though, one thing that will likely not surprise you is that, every so often, books come through the gate with the banished. Many of them were skilled thieves after all." Uther explained with a grin. Matthias chuckled to himself at this, and found myself wondering once more what had landed him here. Uther continued, "I had a similar thought about restricting educational materials for children, however, as you can imagine, magic is taught to those that are born here regardless. This place is full of Mages who remember their lessons probably better than most, having honed their skills for the kind of creative maliciousness that landed them in this very place. Some have even endeavored to write books themselves, detailing their own dreadful practices." Uther said, finishing his hypothesis with a boyish smile playing on his lips. I couldn't help but laugh at that. He had a good point and it was funny to think that the children's education, however informal, was decidedly pointed towards mischief at the hands of the masters of it. It gave me certainty that the children who occupied Endvall, however few, were a handful indeed.

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Author Note: Extra long update to make up for  messing up my schedule this week!  Enjoy and ❤️ you all!!