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A year went by and I cried myself to sleep every night, missing my mom. I assume she went to live with her mother. She was a total opposite from my other grandma. She's mean and sour, though nothing like my father. Things are probably better for mom since she doesn't have to receive the beatings anymore.
Things got so lonely that I was desperate for any kind of attention or affection. I started talking to this guy in class who seemed bored in my presence. He didn't really talk to me much so it was usually just a one sided conversation. He didn't pay much attention to me, until... I mentioned I'd been saving money. He got all buddy buddy with me and at the time I was too desperate to notice why he suddenly seemed so interested. Him and his friends would come up to me everyday and eventually got me to start paying for their lunch. I was a little hesitant at first, but I really needed someone to talk to, so I didn't want to push them away. Soon I was paying for more than just lunch. Now things ranging from snacks, to parking tickets. When I realized I was always just a third or fifth wheel to them and how much of my savings I'd already blown just to keep their attention I decided it was enough. If they couldn't be friends with me when I decided to stop paying for everything that would be fine by me. I needed as much money as possible to move out that excuse of an apartment, and away for my excuse of a father by the time I'm eighteen.
When my grandparents died they left their heritage to their only son, my father. He gave me twenty-thousand to spend on whatever I wanted while he split the rest with mom. I was a spoiled kid, but the only thing I took for granted at the time was my loving family. Now its in pieces.
Out of the twenty-thousand I'd received four was blown, the majority being on my "friends". When I told them I couldn't pay for their stuff the next day they gave me dirty looks and got rough with me. Ever since that day they've always been distant and cruel. When I saw their reactions I knew it was probably a good sign to stop conversing with people. No matter what I did, things would always go down the drain. I don't know if its cause I'm a terrible human being, and everyone has reason to hate on me, or if I'm just very unlucky.
I'm now sixteen and have shut myself away from communication. I feel its better for everyone, including myself. I've always been a sucker for affection, but that only seems to cause me problems. It would be better if I shut those feelings away. At school I'm a nobody. Luckily I'm not a target to bullies like some of the other kids in my school. I'm more like a shadow, people can see me but don't pay attention to me. That's a bit unfortunate though, since there are some really attractive guys in my school. I know I'm probably nothing special to the eye, hence why I am ignored but it would make me happy even if they only acknowledged my existence.
When I said it would probably be better for me to shut my feelings away I didn't really believe it. Wanting to get close to people but knowing you can't because your afraid of being used and rejected, or even getting in their way. That's really stressful and depressing to someone like myself.
My life has been so hard these past eight years that I just want it to end. No one likes me and no one wants anything to do with me... I mean, my mom didn't even try to come back for me. I can understand that she's scared of dad, but it just, it really hurts.
I started feeling like I would just be better off dead. That's when the suicidal thoughts began to trickle in. I felt so lost and emotional that I started self harming. It didn't stack up well with all of the bruises that I had already received from my father.
I spent spring break taking walks around the neighborhood and reading books in my room. That was the best I could entertain myself.
Whenever there is anything in the fridge when my father isn't home I make sure to eat it. He would always be to drunk to notice anything missing. Other than that I use my own money to buy myself food. I don't have the healthiest diet to be honest. It mostly consists of sandwiches and stir-fried veggies. It could be worse though.
One day after class a teacher made a sudden announcement as the final bells rang. "We will be having a school trip next week. We are going to a cabin park a couple towns from here for a week. You don't have to come along, but if you do and you participate in the events you'll have a chance at earning extra credit." She winked speaking the last part. "Since its a week long trip you will have to get a parent or guardian to sign one of these before your allowed come along!" I mentally sighed hearing the last part. I would love nothing more than to spend a week away from that hell of a home. It would probably be a good way to collect some of my thoughts, and maybe, maybe avoid further negative thoughts. Though I don't know if I see that happening.
A brilliant idea popped into my head. I'll just fake my fathers signature. He won't even notice I was away for a week. Though if this is anything like a school camping trip then I may be bunked with a few other people. Though, in the end I'd still be better off than staying at home. "Your parents can come too if they want. Only, they'll have to pay for a hotel themselves." Yeah... there's no way in hell I'm inviting my father.
I spent the rest of the week packing things I needed, in secret. I already sent in the fake signature, so all I had left to do was wait.
I didn't want to ruin my chances of going so on the day of the trip I snuck out extra early so my father wouldn't spot me. I was sure to be as silent as possible. When I got to the school I saw people being loaded onto the buses. It would be awhile before everyone got here though, so I decided to take my seat. I took the seat closest to the window in the second last row. It wasn't a very popular seat so it would probably be left vacant if the bus wasn't full.
Sometime later everyone was ready. Sadly the bus did fill, and the seat next to me was indeed that last to get taken. The girl who sat there didn't look too pleased, she didn't even bat an eye at me. At least I know she wasn't upset cause I was sitting there.
The buses finally took off. When on the road I noticed that some of the attractive guys from my school were riding as well. I made sure not to stare too long cause I didn't want to seem creepy, I instead turned my gaze to the parted window. The light spring breeze that blasted through the cracks smelled so good. The experience made me feel a bit odd. Its been awhile since I've done anything like this.
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Broken Hope (boyxboy)Teen Fiction
Keegan is a boy who loves affection. He's usually quite peppy and excitable, but everything in life has turned against him. He ends up locking away his emotions and making himself distant from the world, trying to avoid further suffering. He's left...