The Three Worst Secrets

Catch and Release

Seungmin winced, looking down. "I'm so sorry. I know. I know who I am. People think I don't but- I really already do."

"So why? Why would you do it? It was all for that? For one moment? Did you get what you needed?"

The younger laughed humorlessly. "No. I lost everything... including you."

They stared at each other, hearing Jisung and Hyunjin coming back.

"I'll take your offer because I know you can afford it. But that's all. Come on Min. Let's get you home." Jisung jumped on the dancer's hood heavily, big boots leaving scratches from the sand embedded in the soles all over the paint.

"Wow. Real mature." Hyunjin tossed his hands up.

"Fuck being mature. I'm young at heart." He boasted, sliding his heels a few times before slipping down and opening the door so Minho could step in.

The two drove off.

"Great fucking plan. Why did I think you should be trusted making a plan of any kind?"

"It worked didn't it?"

"You're missing the point."

Seungmin felt his chest, hating the pain there, but loving it too. "It worked. Take me home, would you?" he ignored the replying muttering. Minho hadn't said that he didn't love him back.

There was still a chance.

"Are you okay?"

The elder shrugged. Everything had changed. The wind in his hair- it was now bothersome, annoying. The sunlight peeking through the clouds was sharp and blinding. Even Jisung as wonderful as he was, seemed suddenly so young and small- especially dressed in his own oversized hand-me-downs.

What was he doing?

What had he been thinking?

It was all Seungmin's mess. Everything. The drinking, the clubbing, Hyunjin, and Jisung. Even his father's new and palpable distaste. Everything was Seungmin.

And everything wasn't. At least, not anymore. They'd lost each other.

Maybe there was a chasm of sadness that they somehow shared. Minho had seen him seal up a fraction, every time their eyes met, like he couldn't handle the way he looked at him.

They pulled up to his house and he made his decision. He had to- and it sucked.

"Jisung?"

"Yeah."

"I can't... I can't love you."

"Oh." He looked even smaller.

"I don't think I'll ever love anyone again."

Jisung leaned over in his seat, not touching him, just getting closer. "I can hear you. Okay? And I only want to say that I've been there too Min. Everything you're feeling right now? I've been there too."

He nodded, holding back new tears with strength he wasn't aware he had. "Okay. Yeah. I'm so sorry about all this."

"No! Do not apologize. Don't. I won't accept it. I don't feel sorry for any of it. For any of us, I mean. And you call me if you need me. Right? Make sure. You still have me, Minnie. You'll have me until you're through."

"Don't say that."

"It's true. I'm right here."

The elder pulled him into a hug, feeling worse because he had been so nice about everything. "Thank you."