POSTING EVERYTHING BACK JUST BECAUSE. ♡
[contains sexual content]
COMING BACK HOME WAS SOMEWHAT weird, given the fact that realization set in and they came to terms with the fact that they were married—Yes, that was obvious. But the second thing was, that they were parents. Young parents who had twin girls who were only newborns and no other feeling could match the one they felt now; Utter happiness. It was more of a relieving happiness, because they made it. All of them. In all honesty, it felt good. The both of them always experienced mutable of feelings together, many of them affecting how they acted and how they thought. But the moment they were staring into their daughters eyes as they slept peacefully inside those incubators, only specified one emotion; Pure admiration.
They were fascinated by how perfect they seemed when they slept. They studied every single one of their features carefully. Kept their concentration on their body movements—How they breathed, how their eyelashes fluttered and gently kissed their cheeks. How their small chubby legs twitched when they moved around in their deep sleep. Or how their tiny hands balled up into small fists with their thumb still poking out.
It was difficult if they had to be completely honest, waiting for their premature babies to obtain their normal growth in order for them to actually touch their skin. To get used to that familiar scent they held, to kiss their plump cheeks and have the ability to rock them to sleep while they sang lullabies. But when that moment finally came, when Harry and Estella had the opportunity to do everything they prayed they could do with their children, it was the absolute best time of their arrival.
Months went by, and they were spectacular. Nothing could overcome the achievement they felt within themselves not only personally but for one another. Knowing that they could both still be in this position and maintain strong demeanors was breathtaking. Harry knew how he felt about Estella and about what had been their life right now. Constantly thinking about what he would have been without Estella, if she had died that day in the hospital, and if she had taken their daughters along with her scared him to death. But now, as he stood across the kitchen, watching his wife sit on a chair in front of their daughters and fed them their Gerber food from the cans, he smiled.
Harry realized a lot of things that night. How her life had been so close to drifting away from this earth, about the variety of scenarios he played in his head that he hoped would and wouldn't happen. So many thoughts lingered into his mind, and to be honest, if Damiun and Zayn were never there to help him, he would have done something tremendously irresponsible and life threatening. He never told Estella this, maybe because he didn't want to hurt her more, but that moment he found out that she might lose her life—He wanted to commit suicide.
And he was.
He was going to do it, the day after he left the hospital. Harry thought that there wasn't even a point in living anymore if he lost the one woman that made him feel like he mattered. The one woman who saw past the hurt and anger he felt all these years and observed the good and spontaneous side of his heart. If she had died, if both Odessa and Leoni had died—He would mean nothing. Every moment of their life would have seemed just like a distraction, something to make him look away from what the world really was. The truth behind it all and how terrible it was to take away good people.
But it wasn't her time, it wasn't their time, and it certainly wasn't his.
Even if he did have the power to end it all, how would the people surrounding him, the people who had been trying to keep him on surface, the people who had been letting him know that he could get through this and giving him so much support they could—Have the power to let his own wife know that he ended his life before hers even reached that point? It felt wrong. And most importantly, he felt as though it was truly disrespectful to her, as well as heart shattering.
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𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐮. ( you seem to always think about how the world is against you. how every person surrounded by you consumes the distraught aura you hold, feeling it wrap around your neck like a mans bare hands and strangles you until yo...