Remembering to Run

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I remember running. The feel of the cool night air across my skin. Letting go of the world around me. Just feeling my muscles bunch and release around while I ran across fields that seemed silver with moon light. Every full moon I'd change. I lost my coat of full, rich red fur and instead was left with bare flesh. I'd run for hours. I'd run through fields of daisies and smell the sweat scent of clover. I'd laugh as the grass tickled my feet and legs. Finally when I became bored of running I'd find a stream or lake and I'd swim. I'd swim for hours on end. Enjoying the feel of water as I glided through it. I'd use my powerful limbs to glide through the water. I'd giggle as the fish swam through my legs. Each one trying to discover what was invading their home at such a dark hour. The feel of fishy kisses on my skin making me giggle. This was pure bliss. I never wanted to leave, to end this feeling. After swimming to the point that my fingers and toes were wrinkly little things, I'd finally get out. I'd lie on the bank and watch the stars twinkle in the night sky. They seemed to be talking or sharing secrets only stars could know. They'd laugh at my foolishness and I'd laugh back. I'd stay and imagine. I'd imagine stories about what my life could have been. I imagined what life would have been like if I was like this always. If I could have skin instead of fur forever. In my heart I knew it could never be. Knowing the truth never stopped my mind from imagining what might have been. My parents said I was foolish, they seemed to agree with the stars. Maybe they were all right about me. I asked the moon and she seemed to tell me that all would be right. She never seemed to laugh and chatter, not like the rest of the stars. She was serious. She was the mother of the sky. As the night started to get cold I stayed warm. I never got cold which only made what I am that much more obvious. So I stayed there watching the stars and the moon chatter. I stayed thinking and wondering until my hair had dried and, my fingers and toes were back to normal. Finally I realized that the moon had left me to my own thoughts. I was sad because I realized that my time would soon be up. I didn't let my sadness overwhelm me. In stead I went back to were I had first changed. I ran back to the meadow that smelled like crushed clover. The feeling of wind through my hair was the most unique feeling ever. Suddenly it became windy. As the wind began picking up, my excitement grew. Soon the sky was lit up with a bright light. It was simply wonderful. Everything went from utter stillness and peace to wild excitement and energy. I loved this state of chaos. Each time the sky flashed my excitement grew. Night was leaving me alone again. When the sky lit up every tiny detail was there for my human eyes to see. This is where I could let go and really fly. I ran back through the fields to the beginning. I felt like something was gaining on me and I ran to greet it. I ran to embrace the feeling of excitement and change that was coming. I could feel my change coming again and I wasn't ready for it. I tried to hold it back I wasn't done feeling yet. There was still so much to explore and experience. Every time the sky flashed and the world was illuminated I could feel the change coming closer. I Couldn't keep it back, I couldn't stop the change from gaining on me. So I let it, I let the pain that came with change consume me. I changed back to the animal that I was. And I was beautiful. I had a beautiful, full coat of russet red fur. I was sad that I was back to normal but I could feel the thrill of being in my natural place in the world. I would change tomorrow and experience the world for the first time all over again. I changed ever night and I loved it. I had two lives and it was were I belonged. Yet there was this restless feeling that I couldn't figure out. I pondered a great many things on the way back to the pack. Things and animal should never ponder but then again was I really an animal. When I got back to the pack I laid down were I normally slept and drifted off into a pool of dreams. 

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