Unrequited Love

Chapter 24

  Lately, I have been spacing out- sometimes I feel as if I am staring at my own self, like I am not really me. I have been mistaking what is not real with what it real. When I left Ren two years ago, this started happening once in a while. Waking up in the middle of the night, with the illusion of Ren's house. Whenever I drink, I picture Ren's face while having sex with Faye.

Two years, it really has been two years. I say I love Faye, but I never gave the words ' I love you ' much thought when it came to her. I never gave marrying her much thought either. Really, over the past two years I can't even remember what has occurred in my life. What I have been doing or what has happened to me.

I do not think I have even thought about what kind of life I am living right now- if I am happy, or if I really do love Faye. I started dating her because it just sort of happened, we went on a few dates and it felt nice- being held by someone again.

Am I using Faye? Yeah. To replace Ren. Should I not? I never thought about that. Now that I think about it, I am just as bad as Ren was when she dated Leo.

Why has it be so hard for to forget about Ren? To move on? Why can I not just hate Ren?

I did not ruin a good relationship because I felt bad, I love Ren. Seeing her in pain only made me realize the reality of my own life. That I was in pain- and I have been this whole time.

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It has been five months since that day, I broke off the wedding and Faye left me. I do not blame her, I would have done the same if I were her. She deserves to be happy and I do not think I can give her what she wants. I have been lying to myself this whole time, to believe I could truly be happy without Ren. Is it so bad to rely on someone? I don't know anymore. I still have yet to talk to Ren, because I do not know what I would say. Nor if she even wants to see me.

"Oh my" Izzy laughed as I sat down across from her at the coffee shop, "Moving in to a new place only to kick your now ex girlfriend out."

"I didn't kick her out, she wanted to leave. I told her she could stay." I irritatingly said, "Now I know why Ren hated the idea of relationships."

"I'm guessing you have been seeing Ren."

"No" I sat back in the chair, "I visited her to tell her about my marriage, but that didn't go so well."

"You think?" Izzy laughed, "I don't get why you just wouldn't stay with Faye, she was hot and young, you two seemed to get along."

"Yeah yeah, I suck whatever. She was young so this break up isn't her last." I yawned, "I wasn't in the relationship for the right reasons. I wasn't happy, Izzy."

"I guess, you haven't really been the same Yuri for a while." Izzy leaned forward and took a sip of my coffee from the straw, "I want my little Yuri back" She said in a baby voice.

"I thought pregnant people can't drink coffee" I said as I moved my coffee away from her.

"Eh, I think I can have a certain amount of caffeine" Izzy looked down at her phone, "Anyways, now that you're single again, You can start going out with Olly and Sadie to the club." She stood up, "I gotta go though, I'll see you soon."

That night, I put on one of my black skirts and a button up black shirt with a leather jacket and went out to a nightclub in Upper Manhattan with Olly and Sadie.

"Yo" Sadie walked up to me, "Look at you, haven't seen you dressed up like this in a while."

"Where's your wife?" I asked as we headed in to the club.

"Night shift at the hospital" We walked straight to the bar as soon as we entered the nightclub to gave a few drinks.

"We got a table" Olly said as he walked up to us. Olly apparently came to this nightclub often with his friends. We walked over to the table to where everyone else was and Olly introduced me to everyone. The night went on, the drunker I got. I was on my sixth drink by the time I lingered outside, where I decided to smoke a cigarette.