Unrequited Love

Chapter 20

                                                                                         Yuri:

(Present Day)

"My little rice cake looks so sad today."

Ren, yet again drinking that expensive beer of hers that she loves so much. All alone, sitting on the couch at nine in the morning. It has been like this for almost a week- ever since her and that puppy broke things off. In a way, it was my fault. I wanted to see the look on Ren's face as I had sex with her girlfriend. I wanted to see her reaction when her girlfriend moaned while I was doing her. We locked eyes when I looked up at Ren who was sitting behind her girlfriend watching me, she was biting her lip while staring at me eating out her girlfriend. I thought I would be satisfied, but in that moment I wanted to hold Ren in my arms and kiss her.

I never told her I loved her, but I knew she knew. In her eyes, I probably look pathetic- I have waited around for over ten years, thinking she would one day love me. I don't think Ren means any harm, I think in a way she is confused herself. Growing up in a house with un loving family, I do not think she really knows what love is.

The coffee shop I work at is about a block away from our apartment, I work there almost every morning and at night I rehearse with my band, but I always make sure to get home before Ren so she has something to eat- knowing her she hasn't ate all day.

"Hey!" It was a girl in my band, Izzy she has dyed pink hair that she wears in a messy bun, her eyes are dark brown and she has freckles on her cheeks. She stops by the coffee shop I work at almost every day with her boyfriend who has mouse like face features, "How are you?" She always looks so happy when I see her.

"I'm doing good" Not really, but this is not really the time or place to be telling someone how I am actually not doing well.

She smiled brightly as she held her boyfriends hand as they both stood in front of the cash register, "I can't believe you still work here."

I felt a little offended but honestly I couldn't believe it either, in fact I didn't want to believe it. I laughed, "Yup it's been all these years and I still haven't used my degree."

"Didn't you major in computer science?" She looked at her boyfriend when she asked me this, I nodded my head yes as I started making her latte, "My boyfriend's dad is the CEO of a software company in Lower Manhattan."

"Oh that's cool" I handed her the hot latte, then looked over to her boyfriend who wore glasses that reminded me of the glasses Ren wore, "You work there?"

"Yeah I'll be taking over the company soon. If you want a job, I'll hire you right on the spot"

My eyes widen as I stared into his eyes, "Huh?"
Izzy laughed and leaned on her boyfriend, "Take the job Yuri and move in with me."
"Huh?" What the actual hell was happening, "Are you trying to like help me out? Do you feel bad for me or something? You really think I have a pathetic life don't you?"

The smile on her face disappeared, "I know you been living with Ren for over ten years hopelessly in love, working at the same coffee shop, and playing in the same band. You're almost thirty. I'm moving to Brooklyn pretty close to the bridge by his company. I have an extra room, rent would be cheap and you would have a good job."

I looked at her boyfriend then back at Izzy, "Is he going to be living with us?"
"Then it's settled" She smiled again as she put a lid on the latte cup, "The place is pretty big, so we won't bother you too much."

"When?"

"To move in?"

"Yeah"

"Anytime you want, even tomorrow would work. Just text me"

Her boyfriend smiled and shook my hand, "When you move in we can discuss what position you would like and when you would want to start."

It felt like a bomb just exploited in my life and just like that I went back home and packed my things, my plan to move out the next day. When I got back home, Ren was sleeping on the couch with a bottle of vodka next to her. Her face had thinned out, her body looks more small and fragile, and her skin was the palest it has ever been. I covered her with a blanket and when I woke up the next day, she was already drinking again. I felt my heart drop when I saw her, drinking a can of beer staring at the black television screen. She always went through stages like this, over the ten years we have lived together; she would go in a down spiral almost every month. And this time was even worse.

"Hey little rice cake" I sat down next to her on the leather couch, "Drinking this early?" I asked in a light hearted jokingly way. She said something to me but I was thinking of how I was going to tell her that I was moving. It was raining that morning, another cloudy day in the city. Our apartment had big glass windows where you could see the whole city, a beautiful view.

When I told her that I was moving, she looked at me with her sad eyes. And when I told her it was with a girl she immediately asked, "Are you two dating?"

I wanted to say yes to just see her reaction, but she already looked miserable enough.

"Why don't you just stay here?"

My heart could not take it anymore, I wanted to say fine and not move out and stay with her for the rest of my life. But I said in a cold hearted way, "It's been ten years, I just don't think I can do this any longer."

I wanted to laugh in frustration when she asked, "Do what?"

I wanted to yell in her face how much I loved her, but her hand that I was holding started shaking. I told her that I had been in love with her this whole time, even though she already knew that. I watched the sad expression on her face disappear when I told her I wasn't using her for my sexual desires like she thought. I watched her as she looked down at the beer can she was holding when I told her I wanted to be with her, but that she was never going to be mine no matter how long I waited. I watched her as she closed her eyes as I told her that I could not go on living my life being in love with someone who did not feel the same. I wanted her to look at me and tell me she loved me, but instead she looked up at me with a blank expression on her face and said,"So that's why you're moving? To run away from your feelings towards me?"

Was that so bad? To run away from my feelings after all these years of waiting? I know Ren did not mean it that way, deep down I want to believe she loves me, that she always has loved me.

Ren fell asleep before I got to say goodbye, I left without saying another word that day.