Unrequited Love

Chapter 18

    The moment I met her, the moments I spent lying in bed with her, the days I spent at her apartment while she was at work, going on vacation, the drunk nights we spent together- all led up to that one morning. I woke up the morning, conniving myself it was a dream- yet again. I thought Ren would have stopped me the moment I tried kissing Yuri- but she just let it happen. I thought Ren would be jealous and hold me by her side, acting as if I really was hers and that she only wanted to me. But deep down I always knew she loved Yuri, that she would always love Yuri more than me. That is why she let it all happen, that's why she didn't stop me, she just joined.

But it was my fault in a way, maybe I shouldn't have tested Ren by kissing Yuri. Because I already knew the answer to the test. I let myself get hurt, it was my fault.

I left that morning, thinking I would never see her again, yet here she is- right in front of me, wearing her work clothes with her hair in a low messy ponytail and no makeup. She looks skinnier than I last saw her, and the dark circles under her eyes have only gotten worse.

"Leo?"

I came by myself to the coffee shop this morning, I was just suppose to grab a cup of coffee and leave, but she grabbed my hand as I was about to walk away from where she was sitting.

"Wait" She looked exhausted, "Can we talk for a moment?" I hesitated at first when she asked this, but ending up sitting down across from her at the small table in the coffee shop.

The last thing I wanted was a half ass apology, "I don't want you to apologize" I tried to quickly gather my thoughts, "I was stupid to think you would stop the whole situation from happening."

"Leo I'm sorry" She grabbed my hand that was placed on the wooden table, "I'm sorry" I didn't do anything," I didn't want to hear her apologize again. I stared at her eyes that she closed as she let go of my hand, "I shouldn't have let that happen, but I also wasn't in the right state of mind either."

"You're right. It doesn't matter." Maybe I was just an immature college student like she thought I was.

"Yuri moved out"

"Why?"

"I guess she got a job close to Brooklyn, moved in with a friend"

She sounded disappointed, but was clearly trying to cover up the fact that she was upset about Yuri moving out.

I laughed a little to try to lighten the mood, "You lonely?" She didn't laugh back. My face went dull and I lend back into the chair, "I'm just joking geez. I feel dumb to think you would actually like me. I knew you never would, but I just played dumb for some reason. I was stupid to think you would love me when the one you love was right in front of me the whole time."

"What are you talking about?"

I stood up from the chair, "Are you stupid?" Maybe I was too aggressive, "You're clearly in love with her" She sat up and grabbed my hand, I wanted to pull her close to me and hold her tight and beg her to love me, but I couldn't do that.

"Don't go"

"I wish I was that person you loved Ren, from the moment I saw you I wanted to be that person. But when I saw how you looked at her, the way you talked to her, I knew I could never be that person" I pulled my hand away from her, "I love you"

"I-"

"No" I didn't want to hear the end of that sentence. I forced a smile on my pathetic sad face, "Finish that sentence when you're with Yuri"I leaned in and kissed her cheek.

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An unrequited love. That was all it was, that is all it will ever be. The first girl I ever openly liked, I thought it was destiny or something- meeting her on the streets of New York City, someone as beautiful as her.

Soon after that I graduated from college, I remember asking Ren if she wanted to come to my graduation. I even bought an extra ticket, I still have the ticket in my purse. A part of me still wants to wait for her and in a way- I am still waiting. 

I wish I was the one she was in love with, but wishes do not come true.