Tragedy of lies

chapter -21

It is midnight when I reach my street, the rain still hasn’t stopped.
My hand shakes as I try to open the door.
People and doctors in the hospital were whispering, investigators were talking about terms I never heard in my life. ‘demise’,’reverse hand grip’,’accidental’ I was too overwhelmed by shock to listen any further.
I still am unable to grasp of what happened today. noah was there for me, coral too .if it weren’t for the, I might have killed myself already.they’d offered to tag along me but I’d denied. Nevertheless, They scheduled an appointment of mine with a psychiatrist.
Schizophrenia- why couldn’t I know that there was something wrong with me? that the voices I heard were not normal, that drake was never real.
But I want him- I so desperately want him to be real.
I sigh as I step inside, the house is too silent, so quiet that it doesn’t feel like a house anymore. The air feels choking, I close the door but don’t switch on the lights. Let the darkness be there for a while, I am tired of fighting it.
The green walls which once used to be a memory, now haunt me.
I walk in my bedroom, the only light there comes from my window. I go to open it but step on something- a paper, I realise. I pick it up and move towards the window, for the light to show the words. Before letting myself read, I open the window. Drops of rainwater and cold wind brush my face, I glance at the paper to discover it is a letter,
From dad.

Dated- july, XXXX
He wrote it before our fight.
Dear jessi,
Before saying anything, let me deepheartedly convey that I love you and am proud of you-

I fold the letter and put it in the drawer of my desk with care, I can’t bring myself to read it. not now. Instead, I walk upstairs towards the balcony.  The moon is crescent, the clouds have covered every star in the sky. And all that is left, is me – and the moon.
What’s stopping you from jumping off the balcony.
I tightly hold the railing as the voice speaks again. I ignore it this time, I glance at my wound. Then remove the band aid to discover a deep, red cut. It reminds me of the scars of drake.
Drake.
I close my eyes at that name. seeing him came at a cost, the brutal voices.
I open my vision and when I look beside me, I find him. staring at the moon, his dark hair flowing, I glance down to his hand, I find no scar.
“ drake “ I say, but get scared by my own voice. He doesn’t answer.
“ drake?” I say again, I try to touch him this time but –
But he vanishes, like crumbles of grain. He vanishes.
All I grab is air. Not warmth, not that heart melting smile, nothing.

My body slides down the wall opposite to the balcony, it was not supposed to be this way. I was supposed to live happily- with my family, with my friends. Like me and emma-
Emma.
Her name brings me back to reality.
Why did she pretend to see drake? Why did she lie? Where is she?
Futher questions overlap my mind. why did they kill my dad-
I’d asked noah what truth was kobe talking about but he just shaked his head. “ I’ll tell you once you have a clear head “ he’d said.
And mia- I almost forgot her. did the same person kill mia and my dad?
The thought shivers my insides, makes me want to hide.
Or was it that mia really did suicide,
But how can I explain that about dad-
My mind urges me to read the letter but I stop myself. I can’t bring myself to feel any thing more.
I just look at the dark sky, it will be morning in no time.but I can’t sleep.
I can’t expect myself to sleep after what has happened, I won’t go to uni, I won’t be going anywhere tomorrow.

I keep looking at the moon and in no time, it is replaced by the early sun with the orange, pink colours.the rain stops, the birds chirp, it happens slowly, really slowly.
It might have been just a few hours but it was the longest night of my life.
I smell the freshness of the trees, leaves and the afterscent of the rain and earth. Water drips from leaves, it tips on the ground.

I bring myself to get up.
I need to meet emma. and confront her.