Tragedy of lies

chapter-2

Chapter 2

“help me “
Her voice haunts my ears, the green eyes are looking at me- straight at me.
“Help me Jessica “
She takes a step forward off her balcony.
“ please no “ my voice doesn’t feel like mine, I cry for her to stop. “ don’t jump”
“MIA! “
I wake up wide eyed, covered in sweat. With a heart beating so hard.
A nightmare.
I check my phone.
2:20 am,30th july
Gosh, I can’t sleep. She’s haunting me. Hell, its like her ghost is travelling with me, pouring venom inside my heart.
I stare at the green walls of my bedroom, then at the night sky visible through my window beside the bed.
I rub my eyes. I had the same nightmares when mom died. Asking for help, screaming. But how could I possibly help them? They were both disasters.
The question still roams in my head, why did mia suicide.
I sigh. My mind is a mess.
I open my messages, none, ofcourse. Emma is offline, I wonder if she’s okay.i glance at her last seen, 4 hours before. So she’s safe, I breathe in relief.
My phone starts ringing and I jolt. I cut the call in a hazard but when my fingers finally trace the name of the caller, my heart calms down.
Only one person is still awake and ofcourse, he will call me if he sees me online.
Noah leonard.
We’d met in university but he’s my greatest friend. the life of the party, yet so calm in such a beautiful way.
His message pops on my screen,  who is the secret boyfriend you’re talking to? at this hour???
I huff, if only.
you have high hopes for me  I text,  now, why’d you call me?
He takes a while before texting back, as if thinking of the perfect way to put the words in, I know you can’t sleep and I can’t too. I know the reason”
He’s talking about mia. she was a new part of our group, emma, noah, me and her. that part is gone now.
Seeing me not replying to his text, he sends another, want to meet? Maybe talk about something?
I look at the clock, the needles ticking by. I have nothing else to do right now, maybe a late night talk with a good friend won’t hurt.
Where,   I message.
He replies fast,  horizon park
I disrobe my night suite and wear a white t-shirt and black pants with dusk coloured boots. The plain, green walls of my house remind me of my mom, her favourite colour. The whole house is covered in green and white, from the silky green curtains of my bedroom to the pine coloured kitchen and the beautiful seaweed texture of the hall. mom loved green and dad loved mom.
A sigh manages to escape from my mouth as I recall the past. Dad went abroad to work right 6 months after mom’s death, leaving me all by myself.
Besides everything, I miss him- we rarely talk, he’s too busy with his life- his own hardships.I wonder when was the last time we laughed together or played board games.
I shake my thoughts away and leave for horizon park.
    
“here, Jessica!” noah yells.
I see him  sitting on a bench right in the middle of the park,smiling at me. he’s wearing a blue hoodie and black jeans. his brown hair and almond eyes appear pitch black. in the dark night, he looks almost handsome.
I sit beside him.
“how are you?” he asks, gently with his voice. As always.
I sigh. For the third time this day.
“ its mia right?”
I nod.
He looks up at the sky. I follow his gaze to the bright stars. We both stare at the dark nightfall in silence. There’s this unknown peace i receive here. This silence, the dulcet wind , the smell of  wet sand. Horizon park is the best location noah could choose. With nobody else, Just me and him. two close friends relishing the quietness.
A sudden cool wind washes over my face, I close my eyes. Letting myself feel. I love the nature. it makes me feel alive, it gives me hope, a queer hope.
“ you can share it with me”
I open my eyes at noah’s voice.
“what?”
“ your nightmares” he looks at me.
I gawk at him for a minute, then finally ask, “ how did you know?”
“ you haven’t smiled today, neither cracked a sarcastic joke. Last time you acted this way, you had your mother’s nightmare”
I look at him in pure awe. I underestimate him a lot.
“I don’t know ” I start, “ this feeling, I feel as if someone’s wrenched my heart out. I can’t understand why-why she did this to herself?”
“what if its not a suicide?” he says.
When noah says those words, all I do is stare blank at the dancing leaves of the tree infront of me.
“ you mean, a murder?” I now shift all my focus at him.
“ What proof do we have that its not a murder?” he says back.
Why didn’t I think of this?
“ and I kept thinking why did mia suicide ” I whisper.
“I am not saying it is definitely a murder. But its better we keep that in mind. Do you think mia had any mental illness?” 
“no. she was pretty satisfied. I think, she was happier than me “ I try to laugh but fail miserably at it.
“any loss she had? Breakup?”
I experience déjà vu for a minute but forget what happened.
“ no, I don’t think so” I say 
I sideglance at noah. The moonlight makes his freckles look mesmerising. He isn’t handsome, he is enchanting.
“ you can look at me freely if you want to. I don’t take charges for sightseeing “ he says, catching me staring at him.
I look away, half sheepish.
“ don’t try to flirt with me“ I utter.
“ do you know who is drake?” I mention suddenly.
“drake?”
“yes”
We both talk about him, I tell him about his appearance, how I met him, how he seems strangely familiar.
“ sounds like a handsome man. I don’t know though, what’s the matter?” noah exclaims.
I shake my head, “ nothing. this day is weird “ I scrunch my nose, “ and emma’s been acting all bananas “
He chuckles, “what’s up with emma?”
I tell him how she almost got us killed and all that shit. He shrugs it off, I do the same. She’ll tell me if its anything serious.
I swing my legs, jingle my foot.
“ will you go to the funeral? Mia’s funeral, tuesday?” noah asks.
I don’t know what to say. I don’t wish to attend the funeral but at the same time, I want to feel grief and pain. Its better than emptiness. Numbing my pain will only worsen when I finally feel it.
“ yes, I will “
Noah nods.
“ don’t let the losses you’ve suffered make you a living corpse.” noah whispers to me, out of the blue.
“ I can only try, noah.”
He smoothens out his palms on his jeans, then thinks for a while before saying further. “ god’s there “
“I don’t believe in god” I snap.
“ you don’t have to believe In god. You have to believe in yourself”
I smile, “ since when did you start being a life guru?”
“ oh, you don’t know a lot of things about me” he chuckles.,“for example, I am a really good kisser. You can try if you want”
“piss off”  I snort.

I wake up at 12 noon.
It was almost dawn when I reached home, the sky was mesmerizing with the jaw dropping, orange- red view. yet, I missed the scenery. I was sleepy as hell.
At least I didn’t had more nightmares.
I plug my phone in the charger and walk in the kitchen, to the right of the hall, and make myself some cold coffee. I have to hold the blender tight enough, its loud noise is ample to tear my ears apart. I pour the freshly made coffee into the cup and walk back into my bedroom, hopping onto my bed along the cup and my phone.
But when I open my mail- oh god.
Dozens of incomplete assignments. And projects. And work. 
Whoever invented college should rot in hell.

I scroll down the mail
Statistics. Due date- tomorrow
Project…
Assignment..
I backspace as fast as I can, too much stress. Ofcourse, why would someone care about what’s happening to the mental health of their students.
Pathetic.
I’ll just switch this stressful thing off . The buzz of this phone triggers my mind.
I wonder if mia felt the same.
Don’t think about her.
But I still do.
Think about something else Jessica, I say to myself.
EMMA! I  totally forgot about her, I got to know why she acted like that. I dial her number. She picks it up after a few rings.
“ Who the fuck is this calling me on Sunday?”
Great, she has forgotten everything.
“ your dad “ i say.
“ jess?” she says in a hurry  “uhh. sorry” her voice is still ragged and sleepy.
“ for right now or yesterday?”
“yesterday?”
I don’t answer, just wait for her to remember.
“oh” she laughs .” jessica, it was nothing serious.don’t tell me you were worried last night”
“ I am not stupid to believe that wasn’t serious Emma. Tell me what it is or I’ll beat the hell of you”  I snap.
“ trust me jess. Please, it isn’t THAT serious. I overreacted. You know me, right? Don’t you? I’ll tell you tomorrow. I promise. I swear of –er-food? ”
“ if you don’t , you’re dead”  I smile a bit.
“ I fucking promise AND DON’T YOU DARE TAKE STRESS!” she shouts
I could have been deaf.
“ now let me sleep?” she blabbers and cuts before I can answer.

I open the mails back. Fuck, I’ll have to complete it all today. my Sunday’s ruined.

                                                 ***

“uhhh” I stretch a bit after completing all my work. My whole body feels stiff and sore after sitting for so long. Though, a part of me was glad to have some work rather than be empty and face my thoughts.
I managed to keep my mind busy till now but I can’t forever. I look out of my window, its night already.
I freshen myself up and moisturize. Then fall on the bed. my body
faces the wall, I sigh when I realise I didn’t switch off the lights.
When I finally go to rest, I remember my dad, his deep brown eyes and brunette hair along a joyous smile. It angers me- my own life.
When mom died, dad weeped-cried. If he screamed- I couldn’t hear, for the doors were closed between us. We were supposed to stay together, be there for each other but we suffered in silence. He didn’t talk for days,
While I used to cut myself.
And when he left, I knew it wasn’t just because of work. I thought he needed a little time but I never guessed that he would isolate himself for years. Besides the grief, the sadness, rage overwhelms me the same, if only he stayed with me when I needed him the most.
A tear dares to escape through my eyes. It waits at my cheek
I’d covered all the mirrors, cause  I saw my mom’s reflection. hazel eyes, dark black hair, soft face, pointed features, my face an exact copy of hers.
It was that day I realised ,I’ll never see her smile ever again. no more mom,
No more family.
The tear which awaited now travels straight and reaches my jaw.                                                                                                     It drops on my dark green bed sheet.
Green. Mom’s favourite.                                                                                                                                                            Green. Mia’s eyes.                                                                                                                                                                         Green. The doomed colour.
I remember mia saying, ‘ just keep walking. One day, it’ll all be worth’
She was so charming.
It can’t be a suicide.