The Big Reveal

Chapter 71 | Tears

And the next thing I see is not what I expected, at least.

Jungkook is standing in front of me, his hair is a mess and he is wearing his white tracksuit. He doesn't look at me when I open the door and stares at the mat lying at the entrance. My heart feels like it's in my mouth. It is sinking, slowly and steadily.

"What?" I finally gathered some strength and asked him. His Adam apple moves up and down, but he still doesn't look up at me. I could already smell wine even from a distance.

He's drunk. He's not in his senses.

Is he angry? Will he hurt me again? The fear kept on escalating seeing him. Why is he here? What made him drop on my doorsteps? I gulped heavily and motioned to close the door.

"Don't come back here, ever again."

But before the door seals close, his foot comes in-between. I keep on pushing it, making sure I don't hurt his foot that much, but it doesn't move even a bit.

"What is your problem?" I open the door again and his eyes are on me already. His expressionless face suddenly turns blue and he squints his eyes. Within a second, he is inside the apartment and holding my face in his hands.

"What...what is..this?" he asks, looking at the cannula in my nostrils.

"It's nothing." I force his hands off my face, but his gaze never leaves me.

"Are you....really sick?" I could sense his voice breaking apart, and the smell of wine was invading my inner peace.

"Why do you care? Just leave." I say, but he steps closer until my back touches the wall.

"Jungkook, don't." He is so close to me. His lips can touch mine in no time, and our gazes are fixed on each other.

"Hana," he leans and firmly presses his lips onto mine while holding my chin with one of his fingers. It's warm, it's encapsulating, but I don't want them. I push him back with his arms and he stumbles to his feet.

"Don't you dare to do this to me." His eyes are watery and his expressions are dull. And just in a while, he makes weird faces, looking up and down and around as if this apartment isn't enough for him to breathe. And just like that, he falls to his knees and weeps, loudly.

"I am sorry....," he keeps on crying and my heart is not in place right now. I look straight at the door and avoid him while pursing my lips and holding my tears.

"Hana," he holds my legs and clings to them. "I don't know what to do."

"Jungkook," I say, trying my best to stabilize my voice. "Leave."

My words make him look up at me in a jerk and he stands up again. His lips are almost touching my forehead now.

"You don't love me?" he whispers, and steps forward again, closing the distance between my back and the wall.

I place my hands on his chest, trying to stop him, but he is too strong.

"I am asking you," he keeps on coming onto me. "You love me?" he screams in my ear now.

"No!" I yell back and he freezes right in his position.

"You hate me?" he asks, and my body hits the wall again. "Say it." His body is pressed onto mine, tightly. "I want to hear it," he brings his hands up and rubs his thumb on my lips, gently. "From your mouth."

My cheeks are filled with the flowing tears on my face. It's obvious that I hate him; I don't want to see him. Whenever I do, a flood of memories hit my mind and I would rather die than remember them. What his mom did was enough for me; it certainly didn't need his addition. But, I can't say it. He knows it, he is doing all this intentionally, because he knows my weaknesses. I am so vulnerable at the moment and he is making me even more. There's barely any distance between us now and our bodies are locked on each other.

"Jungkook, back off. It's suffocating me." I force my hands onto his chest, but he doesn't move even an inch.

"Tell me you hate me. Just once would be enough." I look up into his eyes that are staring at me, intently. I can't say it. So, I hit him on his knee with mine and he bows in pain. I push him back and walk toward my room, but the oxygen cylinder stops me. The cannula in my nose dispositions abruptly, and it scratches my nose from the inside. So, I take the tubes off my nose and ears and throw them on the ground and walk to my room. When I am closing the door, Jungkook grabs my wrist; his favorite part of my body, and pins me against the wall, beside the door.

"Don't fucking avoid me!" he says it normally, but the closeness made it seem like a roar.

"I am not avoiding you!" I jerk off my wrist from his grip." I just don't want to see you!"

"Why not?"

"Where is this audacity coming from?" He furrows his brows at my statement. I push him back, by hitting him on his chest with my palms. "The other day you don't give a fuck about what I say. You think I am spitting shit. You wanted to throw me out. Isn't it?"

"I-"

"And now, you are here asking if I am fine? You didn't give a fuck about me when I was trembling on your doorsteps. Did you care? No!"

"I am sorr-"

"Shut up! Forgiving you is something I am never doing, but I won't even give you another chance to apologize." I shout, pointing my finger at his face, and he stares at it. He nods and moves his head towards the ceiling.

"Hana," he brings his face down. "It's hard for me, as well. I cannot process anything. My mind..." He says, pointing his finger at his forehead. "It's a wreck; a complete mess."

"It's because of me, right? Let's just end this then." I move past him, but he stands in front of me.

"No, it's not."

"Jungkook!" I hit him again on his chest and yelled as high as I could. "Fucking leave me alone!" My breath becomes short and I bow down to get some air, and when I look up again, he isn't standing in front of me, but on my wall.

"What is this?" he asks, pointing his finger to the wall, but his eyes are on me. "If you hate me, why am I in your room?" I shut my eyes, thinking of an answer. Everything aside, why is he still there? I question myself too.

"It's because I am still there in your heart, Hana." My eyes open up, listening to his voice right in my ear. He is standing close again. Is that my answer?

It's wrong. Everything is wrong. He's manipulating my heart. But this is what his perception is. My heart already changed its course the day I left his apartment. He's not the Jung Woo I used to know. And even if I forgive him now, I can never forget. He's her son, after all. How can I keep my heart pure for him, but not for his mother? It would be deceiving. I don't want to part with any mother-son. I don't want to act selfish, just for my love that has probably faded by now.

I need to show him, I need to clear this out.

I apologize if this hurts you already, Jungkook.