Somebody's Monster

11

I head back to my quarters alone. A pit of fear swims in my gut as concern for what state I might find Luenos in dawns on me.

I push a switch to my right. The doors open and, like a curtain to the stage of a theatre would, they reveal my room. Except this isn't a play, and the laughter doesn't come from a crowd of spectators, but from the universe, at our fate.

For once, Luenos does not hang from the ceiling. Instead, he's curled up in a ball, shivering in my bed. The sheets are pulled up to his face. He digs his nose into the soft fabric of the case and hugs my pillow close.

Is he...smelling me?

I shake my head and instantly toss the thought away. No, I'm being ridiculous, I think as I approach him with cautious steps.

"Luenos?" I reach for his shoulder and press my palm to his skin.

He jumps and hits his head against the wall.

I take his palm in mine. "Sorry," I say, "I didn't mean to scare you."

Luenos trembles. He retreats as far from me as possible and urges his body toward the edges of my bed. I wish I had a way to say, It's me. But then I remember what worked last time, what I don't have that the others here do.

My hand slides over his wrist. I guide him again, to the injury I loathed until today, the injury I surprise myself by thinking of as an asset now.

Taking the utmost care to avoid grazing me with his claws, Luenos feels my skin, every ugly scar indicating what had once been. A reminder. A curse.

His mouth parts, and his hand gently wavers toward my chest, my neck. He cradles my jaw in the small of his palm, and I wonder if he can feel it, my pulse accelerating, the tremors that escape me ever so slightly from the fascination; the fear. And the words I want to say: Thank you. Thank you, for making me useful again.

His other two arms hover over my waist. Yet, Luenos does not rest them against me. He only waits in silence, as the cool feeling of his skin ghosts against mine and raises the hair on my arms.

I gulp, worried I've misunderstood my place, his needs. But I'd rather be wrong, I think. I'd rather he push me away if I am, than do nothing, in front of such a vulnerable being.

Grasping his wrist, I guide his palms to my hips.

Luenos doesn't pull away.

A smile tugs at my lips. Heat spreads throughout my chest. I understood him, I think, letting him run his fingers up my spine, over my shoulders; my waist. To show him that I really am here, that it's really me, and that I won't be going anywhere because I know it's this he needs.

I dig my head into his chest. Luenos lets out a low sigh and pushes us forward.

Our bodies fall against the mattress.

I breathe his name. "Luenos. Luenos." Fighting tears that threaten to well up away, I say, "I'm so sorry." My voice is unstable. I doubt he would understand even if he could hear. "I didn't mean for this to happen." His arms come to rest against my back. He brushes my hair in gentle strokes, and, crap, I think, embracing him in turn. He knows I'm crying, doesn't he?

"I promise I'll protect you." I sniffle. "I promise I'll make things right again. I won't let you die. I promise."

He squeezes me a little tighter.

And holds me a little closer.

And perhaps it is my mind playing tricks on me, but somehow, he also feels a little warmer too.

*

I wake up.

I wake up, in the ship, alone. The lights are dim. A dark red glow emanates from their bulbs. And where have the usual brightly lit corridors gone? I wonder as I find walls covered in rust, shadows where the figures of my comrades should be.

In search of Luenos, I rush to my room.

What I find there is nothing. Nothing but a note. You are a failure, it reads. Because of you, they will perish.

The paper catches fire. My eyes go wide. I let go before it has a chance to burn my skin. I scream.

Dashing toward the docks, I pant in search of breaths long lost. I must get out, I think. I must leave. Something is wrong. Something is so terribly, terribly wrong.

And I hear laughter but see no one.

And I look down to find my hands are no longer my own. They're purple. Purple and long. Just like the Kraken's.

Behind the lobby's door, Howard begs for his life.

I cannot take any more.

My knees give out.

I drop to the floor and cover my ears. "No!" I shout. "Please, stop."

*

I open my eyes.

Luenos rests next to me, fast asleep. I press my ear to his chest, to a small beat that thumps between us, a beat that isn't mine. Glancing upward, I watch as he snores with his mouth wide open, his tongue poking out from between his teeth. He looks so modest, so harmless in this light, as if he had no cares in this universe whatsoever.

I grin.

I hug him once, pat him on the shoulder, and pull away. "We're going to get you back in shape, buddy. You'll see," I say before crawling over to edge of the bed and placing both my legs on— Oh. I pause, remembering my dream in which I could still walk, in which I could still run. Right. I squeeze my arm and swallow an invisible mass that had built up in my throat. Right... It's never coming back, is it?

Grabbing my crutch, I snatch my jacket from my chair and look to the clock.

Six in the morning, Earth time.

As I take a step forward and yawn, I exit my quarters and listen to the relaxing low hum of the engine—a noise that has helped me rise since the start of our mission.

I pass the tech room but pause.

A tiny clank grabs my attention.

Following the trail of my shadow, I trace my steps and peek through the half-open door.

I clear my throat. "Vihkir," I say, "what are you doing here?"

Seated cross-legged on the floor, jaw covered in smudges of oil, he glances at me from over his shoulder and grins. "Oh, good timing!" Vihkir motions for me to enter. "Come over here for a second, would you?" he says. "I'd like to show you something."