All Shades of Magic

On My Way

I ran away from where the brutes were kneeling, still crying. I knew this would happen, I knew I shouldn't have done it.

Kimi fears me now, she hates me.

And worst of all, I hate me too.

For hoping she would be different, for not taking a minute to find another way, for not lighting a fire in the first place and getting distracted by her. Her charm, her beauty. Her cunning smiles, her slyness, her job, her position, her family, her voice, her everything. I should have never let myself fall for her, fall for a woman. It was illegal, i was illegal. My magic, my love, my friendships.

I sobbed harder than ever.

I had to drop it all. I'm going to be queen. I will need a king, I will need to be a rule-follower, a proper leader. Never again could I do this. I had to finish this mission and go home. Then I would go about my life and let myself fit in.

I cried for hours still after my conclusion, because of the hurt of all of it. Everything happening to me. Everything happening at home. It wasn't until morning that I stopped crying. I don't know how I wasn't attacked. I can't remember doing anything but sitting in my sorrow.

In the end the reason I stopped crying was from running out of energy and water to cry.

I didn't want to move. I hadn't gotten any sleep and Kimi had all our food, although now that I could just transform leaves into nuts and berries I would probably be ok. I could energize myself magically but that was only for ages who could operate without energy in the first place. Besides, I don't know the incantation and I've only used it once to energize my cat.

I made a fire quickly and let myself fall asleep against the tree I was sitting against. I truly needed some sleep and now that Kimi wasn't with me, there was no need for speed and no fault in sleeping in the early morning.

I ended up waking shortly before what I assumed was noon. Telling time has continued to become more and more complicated the deeper and thicker the woods become. I smothered the fire and headed towards the stone's aura. There was nothing else for me to do. I could eat later. So I just walked.

It was a ridiculously sunny day today, which was burning my back as I walked with my head down. I lifted my neckline of the black clothes I was wearing and sighed.

Today was a day I knew wasn't going to be good.

I broke out crying 5 times while walking and it took me a but to control myself, branches kept getting in my way, roots tangled through the seemingly even ground, branches and leaves got stuck in my hair. I was tired even after my nap, I was hungry but didn't want to stop and eat. Every once in a while I would think I heard gunshots or footsteps and I would turn to look to see if it was Kimi or if the war had somehow come into the woods, only to find I was still alone.

I kept walking until it was midnight before collapsing to the ground and quickly setting a fire. I turned a couple stones into some berries and ate them slowly, they all had pits that I assumed were the effect of the tired transformation spell.

At this point I wasn't sure I should keep moving. But I had to. I knew I did.

My kingdom, and Darius, were still in danger of destroying each other. It was up to me to stop the fighting with the moonstone. And since I was the only one on this mission anymore, I was the one who had to keep going. Kimi could do whatever she wanted.

I took a deep breath, ate the last few berries, and dozed off to sleep.

                   ---------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up early again today and for a second I almost forgot about what had happened. Then I realized I was alone and I felt the crushing weight of yesterday pile on top of me. I tried to shrug it off and make some berries out of rocks. They were much better today, no rock pits this time. Too bad the pit in my stomach didn't disappear.

I continued walking towards the essence, quickly but not sprinting. Unlike Kimi, I didn't have energy every day to sprint a million miles an hour towards a possibly deadly goal. I needed more energy than what I have. Especially if it turned out to be deadly and I needed magic.

I listened carefully to the noises in the trees, hoping no vengeful brutes would come after me and I didn't need to worry. I doubt they knew my direction. I ran away before the spell wore off.

Small animals were scarce, only a few bugs and maybe some squirrels. A little creature I didn't know the name of came into my lap while I ate and grabbed at my necklace. Maybe it could tell it was valuable, or maybe it just liked the shine.

I wonder whether I should keep this or not. I thought to myself, glancing down at the little creature playing with the necklace. It wasn't like I needed it anymore. It was useless. But I suppose if I could restore the magic then it might not be, even though that was much beyond my current ability. Maybe in another time, I concluded in my mind.

I thought about the moonstone, which even if I didn't want to, I would have to convert into light magic in order for the guards to trust it, if not for other more (currently unknown) present reasons. But all of that was for later.

Right now was for walking and focusing on anything but Kimi leaving or oncoming danger. Or war. But with the moonstones essence becoming ever stronger and even more present, which i didn't even think was possible, i knew i had to think about getting home. The ever dreading journey was becoming closer by the hour.

But it was also a journey I couldn't wait for.

A rustle in the bushes caught my attention and I stood up. A small squirrel popped out and ran for it. I sighed in relief. I shoved more thoughts into the back of my head and continued on my journey.

My journey. What sadness that line brings.