38 | Sinking Suspicions

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Something was wrong

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Something was wrong. That much, at least, was obvious.

It had been four days since I had last spoken to Sebastian and more than a week since he had come over. After his sudden departure from my bedroom on Monday night, he had called me a grand total of three times. One call had been to apologize for not being able to get together the next day. Another call had been to schedule a date for Wednesday night, to make up for the distance that had begun to develop between us. The third and latest call had been to cancel Wednesday night's date, and reschedule it for Friday.

Since then, I hadn't heard a peep.

Though I saw him on a near daily basis, there was never enough time or privacy for us to have any sort of discussion. And there was a lot we needed to talk about.

Despite the fact that nothing had changed outwardly, there had been a relatively tangible shift in our relationship. Blair had driven a wedge between us, whether that had been her plan or not, and until this whole thing was over, I had a feeling she would remain right there in the middle. And quite frankly, I was getting sick of it. I wanted my boyfriend back, the one I didn't have to share with any other girl.

But I had to concede that Blair wasn't the only one to blame -- at least not any more. In the past few weeks, I was beginning to feel out of the loop about the current status of "our" -- I was using that word loosely -- plan. When it began, Sebastian had had no problem keeping me constantly updated. He and Blair were doing this, he and Blair were doing that; those little updates and ideas were comforting. Unfortunately, now they had all but disappeared.

Sebastian seemed hesitant to share the details of what was going on now. If I asked, he would try to explain in vague terms, but the look of sheer exhaustion on his face always kept me from pressing too hard. We were already skating on thin ice, and I sure as hell didn't want to be the one to make it crack.

What worried me the most, though, was the fact that he had lied to me. One night last week I had asked if he was going out with Blair, and he had answered with a "no," saying that he planned to stay in to work on a school project. Three hours later, Michael had come over to my house laughing, telling me about the scene he had just witnessed at the Sultan's Palace involving Blair's extended family and Sebastian. My silence had, apparently, revealed that I knew nothing about my boyfriend's whereabouts, and he had been quick to backtrack.

I was seeing red by the time I showed Michael to the door. I hadn't been able to truly calm down until after I had gone for a long, hard run, the only way I could even dream of working out my anger. Sweating, exhausted, and no longer fueled by rage, I was finally able to think rationally. What if that hadn't been the first time Sebastian had lied about being with Blair? But at the same time, what if he hadn't been lying? What if it was something that had come up at the last minute, far after he and I had spoken? Did I just want to believe the best of him? Or was I trying to ignore something that was right in front of my face?

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