xxii LAST CHAP

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it has too doesn't it? but in reality it doesn't.... why do assume this kind of shit. Of course anything can happen, because life is just a series of random events. For all I know, maybe if I had been asleep a second longer I might not of seen Cass. Maybe I would've been caught in a red traffic light a mile back, that could've set me back by a minute.


So why on earth did I see her at that exact moment... I mean what is the reason? This is what keeps me up at night, not worrying about school but about life. Because school doesn't really matter, an F is just an F. So what? I'll just get an A next time or hope the teacher realises that If I fail I'll be back in their class next year. I think that's why I passed art, because my final project was ruined by michael eating pizza over my painting and a bird shitted on it as well.


I think life is a joke, because no one knows what they're doing. For all I know maybe in 10 years no one will be going to college, and instead sucess well be based on who can eat the most ice cream. Maybe we'll do 13 years of training to eat instead of math.... I'd like that.


Suddenly the car stops, and in that moment I know nothing could stop me. I didn't care if a giant dinosaur came crashing through, because Cass had to hear me. She had too, and if she didn't then that wouldn't be satisfying. This chapter needed an end, for better or worse it was not gonna be a cliffhanger. Because those, those are cruel. Not knowing is worse then no, because the possibility of a yes still or did exist.


I run past all the doors until I hear her say "wow" from inside a small cramped office.


"Cass?" I call clutching my chest, out of breath.

she turns around and her face is blank "Oh wow, it's you again."

"yeah, um can I talk to you?" I say

"no I don't think so, my therapist said not to associate myself with people who make me sad. And you made me pretty sad, calum... I don't hate you though" she laughs sadly at the end and stares up at me

"Well, I just wanted to say. Bye, and I'm sorry for being an asshole. I should've listened to you, and now look at the mess I made. I'm losing sleep, and I'm wishing it was possible to apologise. please?"

she stares off into space thinking

I pull out my wrist, with the ballet slipper lace "just until 12? Lemme take you to the cafeteria for lunch and if I can't convince you, then go to paris. okay?"


she stares up and says to the lady next to the desk "I'll make my decision at 12, if I'm not back then you'll probably never see me again mum. Bye, and thanks i guess."


She stops in the hallway taking off her laces and matching it to mine around the wrist. She dumps her shoes in the trash and does cartwheels in the halls. Laughing "Remember when I said you can't change my mind? It's because you can't, I've missed you Calum."

I pick her up and we go to the cafeteria for milkshakes.


"I've stopped using drugs and cigarettes, but the doctors say I need to eat. I think the drugs helped, because they lessen your appetite. I'm worried I'm just going to barf it up. I was really upset when you stopped hanging with me. I was worried that you had lost interest with me."

"Cass, you're not a toy. I'm not going to lose interest in you, because all I want is you."

"But isn't that what we do. We put on mascara and short skirts in the hopes that you'll choose us. Like a Like a beauty pageant, because I obviously have liked you for a while now and you're still not admitting it. I didn't eat for 3 days once, so I could be lovely. "

"ookay" I put down my food and say "how would you feel if I didn't eat for three says?"

she avoids eye contact and says "But you don't need to, because you're perfect already"

"but wouldn't I be lovely?" I say staring into her eyes

"but you're already lovely" she says

"no I'm not, but if I don't eat I will be" I say

"But if you don't eat, you'll change. Your gonna lose the fatness in your cheeks and I won't be able to cuddle with you" she says

"so I should eat?" I say quirking an eyebrow

"yes, why wouldn't you?" she says

"I dunno. why wouldn't she?" I say staring into her eyes "She's already lovely and we wouldn't want her to lose the chub in her cheeks. then I wouldn't be able to pinch her cheeks back"

"yeah, I like that"she smiles to herself

"uh, huh. so maybe we should go then so you can make a decision"

"ok, but I told you it's already made. We can leace after I finish this. because this isn't too bad compared to what they're serving me" she smiles as she steals my chips, and this time as she eats her burger she isn't cutting it into a million pieces or hiding it.


We end up walking around the little gift shop, and buy some funny balloons. She walks by the babies in the hospital and says "that one was only born this morning, I wouldn't been able to see this if the doctors hadn't saved me"

"not upset then? changed your philosphy?" I smile

"no, i think there should be the choice... but I'm glad I'm alive. I'm going to go to some therapy sessions, and try homeschooling I think.




It took awhile, but eventually Cass got better. I went off with my mates to write an album, but Cass came with. She wanted to see the world and get away from her nightmares back home. We decided to rent a batch on the beach for a week and on the last night as she snuggled into my chest she said in a cute little whisper, "You're my happy little pill, you're the only drug I need. I hope you'll be mine forever because you're the reason why I'm alive."

"You know I love you Cass" I laugh" Here I show you something" I pull out my keys and on it is a little ballerina slipper charm and long with a portion of the lace tied into a bow "And here is a little music note for you" She attaches it to the ballerina lace tied around her wrist and smiles.

"Thank you for your chubby cheeks"


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Thank you! That's it, it's kinda the ending and the epilogue combined. idk, pppllllleeeeeaaassseee lemme know your thoughts and opinions


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