Never Leave Home Without Your Vibrator

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I couldn't believe that I was suddenly having second thoughts about having casual sex as a way to heal my heart after leaving David. But here I was, doing just that.

My experience with Doug got under my skin. There was no other way to put it.

Over the coming days, I pondered the problem of selfish lovers. Who were these men who couldn't be bothered with giving women pleasure? Was sexism the culprit? As pathetic as it was to consider, sexism was easy enough to comprehend as at fault.

Because a woman like me went to bed "too easily" with these dudes, they saw me as "easy," and therefore not worthy of their energy to give me pleasure.

Disgusting.

Perhaps these dudes viewed me as "beneath" them. I wasn't fit for a relationship, so why bother helping me get off?

I was a "floozy" so I wasn't deserving of pleasure. I only deserved to be "used."

The stupidity...

In my humble opinion, men who think like this are stuck in the dark ages. They're trapped in a time when men thought sexually empowered women were sluts. Or when men believed only their pleasure was important. But what can I expect when society promotes penis-in-vagina sex as the only way sex can happen?

Sex is viewed as only occurring if a man penetrates a woman. It's only over when he climaxes.

But this is a terrible way to view sex.

Most women can't climax from penetration alone. Most women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. If men can't understand this—and worse, they do nothing to help it—then a woman must take control of her own sexual pleasure.

That's what I aimed to do.

And yet, I hate to admit that I was part of the problem. Take Ben, Mr. Magic Marker. I permitted him to focus the sex on himself.

I focused on his pleasure. What can I say? I wanted to rock his world. I thought if I concentrated on his orgasm, I'd blow his mind sexually. Then he'd reciprocate by blowing mine, too.

I counted on that when I shouldn't have. I realized I had to start valuing my own pleasure over a man's. If he got his, then I had to get mine.

But if I wanted my "O," I had to give it to myself.

However, after my experience with Doug, I decided I needed to get even more proactive about my pleasure.

That's when I started to bring a vibrator along on every date.

Yes, you heard that right—I stuck a pocket rocket into my purse before I met up with a man. I'd tote around the vibe with me all night. I had it at the ready if we decided to go to bed together. But that didn't mean I didn't still feel slightly embarrassed about having the vibrator on hand.

The first time I withdrew my vibe from my purse during a sexual encounter, I was nervous. This happened on my date with a man named Ralph. I'd let Ralph lure me home. This wasn't difficult to do as he was a babe. I was happy to go to bed with him.

I just wanted to make sure I had an orgasm. Hence, I had my vibe on hand.

I undressed then revealed I'd brought along my vibrating "friend." I waited for Ralph's reaction. Would he think I was weird? I'd brought along a vibrator on our date... Would he judge me?

Then I reminded myself that I was a woman taking charge of my own sexual needs. Pleasure was my right. Who cared what he thought? If we were going to get down, I was going to get off, period.

But still, I was relieved that Ralph didn't seem to care.

"I think it's hot," he said.

I didn't end up having to use my pocket rocket with Ralph because he was a generous lover. He manually stimulated my clit for an hour. I came before he even entered me. But still, I continued to bring along my vibrator on other dates with other men. I could never be "too prepared," I told myself.

And when it dawned on me that my Hitachi Magic Wand did an even better job of making me come, I decided to bring that vibrator instead. The problem was that it was a much larger vibrator than the pocket rocket. I had to ditch the purse for a backpack that the Hitachi would fit in.

Yes, it felt a little funny to be lugging around a backpack on my dates. It was worth it to have a better orgasm though. I vowed never to leave home without my vibe again. No woman should have to go without pleasure during sex.

The orgasm gap is real, ladies. It's your own duty to close it.

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