CHAPTER 9

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It's been one hour since I first read the notice, an hour in which I continuously tried to think of what else he was planning for me. An hour. I hope it was only an hour.

It's already past noon and the sun is setting earlier these days. And I promised myself I wouldn't repeat the mistake I made yesterday. In vain I would go all the way there, when the only thing I need now has nothing to do with excuses. I need time alone. And I'm not prepared to find out yet who that girl I kept thinking about is.

But I know nothing about Einar.

At the end of the day, nothing binds us together, nothing gives me the right to be jealous. Everything I thought was beginning to create between us was only in my head. Because nothing could exist between us when he already had someone else. And it's alright. Humans are allowed to be delusional.

But they're all just many other thoughts mixing up in my head which appear unconsciously in my consciousness with the purpose to protect me from the warzone inside my head. Because I don't believe anything from what I'm thinking.

But he does not have someone else.

However, I'm not going anywhere.

All these tears are not worth falling for.

My parents are not home today, although I didn't know anything about it. Only Sasha is here with me, but it doesn't bother me. They don't need to know who Einar is yet.

That book is still waiting for me, I have a lot to do for the rest of the day.

I'm going upstairs, leaving the bouquet in the kitchen. I don't even know why I'm keeping it anymore.

My bed is left unmade, the light hardly enters the room and all the clothes I wore yesterday are left on the chair from my desk, so in order to continue my work, I have to put them back in the wardrobe. But instead, I put the sweater and the jeans back on and start brushing my hair.

A walk to the park is always welcome.

Einar. All alone. On the bench. Probably waiting for me. Or for the other girls he must have invited here.

His head is pointing to the ground, it's like he doesn't want me to see him. I can't tell if he's ashamed or sorry, but something must have happened with him for sure.

I don't want to be the one to salute him first. I don't want to find out he is waiting for someone else. But he's not looking at me and it seems like he doesn't feel my presence, although I am right in front of him.

'I'm here.'

He's still looking down and not saying anything.

I don't even know why I came here. If I want to get him out of my head, I have to reduce the contact between us. Because I can't forget everything if I keep meeting up with him.

He is not allowed to play this way with my heart. To give me hope and make me come here, only not to talk. If he's not willing to say anything, I'm leaving.

I don't understand what happened with him in this short period of time, but I'm not even interested to find out. The truth is all I want and need right now, because I can't keep daydreaming of something that might never happen.

He was still not looking at me, but I could hear a slight sound made by his low and hoarse voice.

'I've been waiting for you.'

The pain in his voice is making me worry. Only five words needed to be said to change my mind completely. I want to sit on that bench next to him, hug him and tell him that no matter what happens, he can trust me. But I'm not doing any of that. Instead, I am entering the game of silence he started, continuing to look at him and waiting for him to say something more.

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⏰ Last updated: Mar 19, 2022 ⏰

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