My Lifeline - Jaywon Shortstories

Good Reason Part 3

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Fortunately, Jungwon was standing in front of said door.

"Could we talk?" he asked before Jay could follow his instincts and run away.

Jay's brain screamed NO, however, it seemed that it had no power against Jay's heart, which had whispered yes.

Jay simply nodded, unsure he would be able to answer vocally.

Jungwon walked away, leading Jay to the balcony. There were three people there, but when they saw who had just arrived, they left. Everyone knew Jay and Jungwon had dated and broken up, so they understood they needed some privacy for whatever would happen next.

As it was the middle of November, the air outside was quite cold. Nonetheless, it didn't matter to Jay. His heart was burning up, heating his whole body.

"How have you been?" asked Jungwon, not making the tension go away.
"You want the lie that would reassure you or the truth that would make you uncomfortable?" replied Jay, not even thinking about every word.

Jungwon seemed surprised by the answer.

"The truth" said Jungwon.
"You've been warned" said Jay. "Know that I am aware of how freaking stupid I am."

Jungwon frowned, but Jay ignored it.

"I am still desperately in love with you" whispered Jay.

He noticed Jungwon was about to reply, but he didn't want to hear it yet. He knew Jungwon would say something like "I'm sorry, I hope you'll get over me and find someone else better for you. Someone better fitted for you." No, Jay didn't want to hear that yet. He already had made a fool of himself confessing his feelings for Jungwon, now he had to finish what he started. He still had so much to say.

"Please let me talk" simply added Jay.

Jungwon was clearly upset, however he nodded.

"It's not just that I'm in love with you, which makes your breakup difficult to get over from. In reality, I don't want to get over you. You were the best thing that happened to me, why would I want to move on?" said Jay, still whispering.

His words reflected all the deep wounds in him, if he talked any louder, they would probably bleed, so he kept whispering.

"The worst is that I know you continued your life, and I sincerely am happy for you. I want you to be happy, even if it's not with me. You made it very clear that you don't want anything else to do with me too, so" continued Jay, unaware of how uncomfortable Jungwon was. "I know I am stupid, and everyone wants me to get better. Of course, I learned a lot about myself being on my own, but I'm missing something. I know it."

He stopped to catch his breath.

"And each day that passes, you evolve, you grow into someone else. This means that I am not even in love with you, I'm in love with the person you were a year ago. I'm in love with a memory" whispered Jay as tears filled his eyes. "I'm in love with a ghost of you."

"Can I speak now?" asked Jungwon, with a low and trembling voice.

Jay didn't look at him. He didn't want to see the pitiful look on his perfect face. He nodded, inviting Jungwon to speak.

"First, I want to make sure you understand that you're not stupid" said Jungwon.

Jay chuckled, absolutely not convinced.

There comes the little "comforting speech".

"At least if you are stupid, well I am dumb" added Jungwon. "I refused to be friends with you, after having asked you to remain friends after the breakup."

Jay frowned. He didn't understand.

"Thing is, I didn't refuse because you meant nothing to me. I refused because you still mean everything to me. I can't imagine seeing you as only a friend. It's easier not to see you at all" continued Jungwon.

His voice was shaking, but Jay pretended he didn't notice it. He didn't want to get his hopes up.

"What I mean is that I'm not over you either" said Jungwon.

Jay froze.

"What did you say?" asked Jay slowly, as he finally looked up at Jungwon.
"I still love you" replied Jungwon.

"No" said Jay, refusing it.

"Well, yes" confirmed Jungwon.

A minute of silence painfully spread between them.

"It doesn't change anything" said Jay. "I still can't give you want you want."
"What, kids?" asked Jungwon.
"Yeah, kids" replied Jay, feeling his heart crumbling. "I don't want to have children, ever. But I refuse to force you to give up your dream of being a father."

Jungwon's hand slowly reached for Jay's. The latter let Jungwon take it.

"I don't want kids" said Jungwon. "I want you."

"What if in 10 years you wake up regretting having chosen me over children?" asked Jay, not allowing himself to feel any joy.
"I thought about everything you said. All of your arguments" simply said Jungwon. "I have been thinking about it for a while now. I thought I wanted children. But truth is, I want a family. Family doesn't mean parents and children. Family means being with people you love."

Jay couldn't hold them any longer. Tears just fell down his cheeks.

"Jay, I want you to be my family" whispered Jungwon.

"Are you sure?" asked Jay, ready to wake up from this dream any second now.
"I am" replied Jungwon.

Jay moved slowly, fearing it would somehow end if he did anything wrong.
He reached for Jungwon, hugging him tightly. Jungwon instantly hugged Jay back, finally feeling at home in Jay's arms.

This hug meant so much to them that they stayed like that for a solid five minutes, not caring about the cold breeze passing by.

When they naturally pulled away, Jay stopped his face very close to Jungwon's. He was desperately craving his lips. They had indeed never looked so beautiful.

Before he could initiate it, Jungwon had pressed his lips on Jay's. The gentle and delicate kiss didn't last more than five seconds. In fact they hadn't kissed in a year, and this all felt too good to be true. The rhythm accelerated quickly. They move in synch, enjoying finally being able to intertwine their tongues.

After a long and passionate kiss, they hugged again, unaware of all of their friends watching them in shock on the other side of the window.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" asked Jay, still not believing it.
"There's is not a single reason good enough to keep us apart" whispered Jungwon, placing his nose on the crook of Jay's neck.

The end