Chapter 89

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"I thought you might say that" Matt says after a long pause. Now what am I supposed to say? I don't love you ever more and I'm starting to wonder if I ever did? Things shouldn't be this hard with someone you 'love'. I mean, with Taylor it's so easy, so care free, so... Different.

"It's not that I want to." I assure him through slightly gritted teeth. It's not exactly lying... I'd say more 'giving false hope'. Is that a crime? "I just think-"

"It's for the best" He interjects. Phew, I didn't want to be the one to pull out that cliche movie line. Looks like he took the bullet for me.

"Yeah..." I trail off, looking at the ground. I stand before him watching the words process through his mind.

"And you're leaving tomorrow?" He says sitting forward on the couch, his head in his hands.

"I leave at 6:30am" I shrug.

"So should we just say our goodbyes now? I don't want to have to kiss you goodbye in front of your dad" He says with a slight laugh.

"Kiss?" I smirk slightly. I don't know what it is about this boy, something about him just makes me go weak at the knees.

"Come here" He says holding out his arms. I nod and fall into his arms, crossing my legs over his lap. "I don't want you to leave."

"I have to Matthew" I sigh, resting my head on his shoulder. He kisses the top of my head lightly. "Thank you for making me feel special and for showing me what your life is like. I never would have ever guessed that your life would be so amazingly crazy all the time." I say, not truly convinced that I meant the words for him. Our relationship has been a complete roller coaster. And not one of those fun ones that make you wanna ride over and over until you're physically sick; one of the ones that kinda make you wish you'd never got on in the first place.

"You're welcome. I'm sorry for how I've treated you.. And for being a complete dick" You got that right.

"It's okay" I say with a slight laugh. "We don't have to talk about that anymore. I'm over it. I seriously don't want to hear any more appologies for the rest of my life"

"I can do that" He says with a smile, tiredness lacing his voice. "And hey, in 40 days, I'll be sitting by the phone. If you want me back in your life then all you have to do is call me and I'll come running." We sit there in silence for a couple of minutes until I can no longer keep my eyes open.

"I should probably get to bed" I yawn falsely. I shouldn't be this uncomfortable around my own boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend.

"You have an early morning ahead of you." He nods helping me to stand up. As I turn to leave, a pair of hands grab my face, pulling it towards them. "I'll never forget you" Matt kisses me passionately one last time before scratching the back of his neck -just like Taylor does- and leaving the room. I shake my head in confusion before dragging myself upstairs to my bed for one final time.

---

"I'm going to miss you so much" Gilinsky says wrapping me in a tight hug. "Who am I going to go to when I want to play mommies and daddies?"

"I'm sure Jai would love that" I giggle looking at the floor, trying to hold back tears.

"You've honestly changed my life Skylar Potter. I couldn't be more grateful."

"Oh stop it" I say blushing slightly. "I'll only be gone 40 days then then I'll come visit you in Omaha or wherever you find yourself." I smile up at him. He squeezes me one more time before holding me at arms length.

"Goodbye Sky"

"Bye Jack" I smile as I move onto Johnson. I've already said my goodbyes to the rest of the boys aside from Taylor. Matt is nowhere to be seen right now but I assume he'll be here. My dad and I have agreed that he's going to come see me on tour sometime so I have that to look forward to. Plus it means one less soppy goodbye.

"Bye baby girl. Stay humble." Johnson says as I fall into his arms.

"You always do have a way with words." I say as the tears start falling down my face.

"Don't cry beautiful. I'll make time to come see you. And Shawn."

"Hey, 2 birds 1 stone right?"

"Right" he agrees as I sob into his shoulder. "I don't need to give a massive speech about how much you mean to me and how much I love and will miss you. I'm only a phone call or FaceTime away. Plus, I know how much you hate soppy goodbyes."

"Thank you J. I love you too" I say squeezing him one more time before my father separates us to take my carry on rucksack from me to fill up the car. I look over apprehensively at Taylor. "Go on, tell him you love him. Better late than never." Johnson urges me on. I look up to him, kiss him on the cheek and then run to my best friend.

"Sky" Taylor breathes.

"Tay"

"If I asked you not to leave would you consider it?"

"I don't want to leave you Taylor. I have to."

"I know you do, good luck out there Skylar." He says as my father alerts me that we have to leave.

"No, I can't just leave things like this" I say shaking my arm out of my father's death grip. I wrap my arms around Taylor's neck pulling him closer to me.

"I know you love me Sky." Taylor sighs. "You don't have to tell me. I've known this whole time that me and you had a deeper connection."

"Why have I only seen it now? I feel like everything's happening at the wrong time."

"This isn't the wrong time. I'm still gonna be here when you get back. I live 3 doors down; can't get rid of me that easily." He says with a sorrowful laugh. "Just know that not a day goes by where I don't think of you. I know you're going to rock it out there Sky. You were born to do this. You've been the best friend to me that I could ever hope for and I know that one day I'm going to grow old with a girl like you. You're going to be right there giving me away as my best man" he laughs.

"Best woman you mean" I say, tears streaming down my face.

"Thank you for teaching me your wonderful ways on beans on toast and for introducing me to dance moms which I will continue to binge watch for the 40 days you're gone. I'll start running as oppose to driving next to you as you run. I'll get proper headwear instead of these bandanas that I know you hate."

"I never said th-"

"You didn't have to. I can see it in your eyes. I could always see it in your eyes." He says and suddenly I don't think he's talking about headwear anymore.

"Skylar, let's go" My father's voice booms over my thoughts and the sound of my heart breaking at the idea of leaving these boys.

"I love you Taylor Caniff"

"I love you Skylar Potter. Don't you ever forget it." He says kissing the top of my head before letting me go. "Don't forget me alright?" I nod and walk to the door, looking behind me as I do so. Suddenly my limbs take over and pull all of my friends into a group huddle.

"You guys are my favourite people in the whole world." I tell them. They all smile back at me as I let go, knowing I actually have to leave or else all these tears will have been for nothing.

I shut the door behind me as I open a new one into my future. My whole life starts today. I've made some friends, I've lost some friends. I've been stabbed, attacked and heart broken. I've been loved, I've been hurt, I've been torn. Through it all I can finally say that I know what I want in life.

Head or heart? That's the million dollar question.

So what's your answer?

Torn ~ m.eWhere stories live. Discover now