Chapter Eight

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:: Holly's POV ::


I heard Sam's voice call out to me as I walked towards the parking lot my car, you know that white maxima with the sticker on the back, had been parked in, my pace never slowing. I felt humiliated and that just wasn't okay. I really wasn't sure if I was more upset with him for writing that song or more upset with myself for giving him the ammo to do it. I came here tonight to support him, whether he wanted me here or not and throwing our personal life out there like that was just not okay.

"Damn it Holly! Please just stop!" His voice sounded again and this time the tone of it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was dripping in desperation and I had never heard him call out to me like that and as much as I wanted to keep going, my walking ceased and I stopped dead in my tracks.

Sam's footsteps came to an abrupt stop and I knew he was standing just feet away from me but I wasn't sure I could bring myself to face him. I inhaled the fresh evening air searching for some serenity, some strength, before taking on this confrontation we were so clearly about to have. I slowly turned to face him and I regretted it, I knew I was going to crumble.

"What was that back there?" He motioned back towards the building I had just stormed out of, his brown eyes were inquisitive and I knew we must have created a scene.

I didn't know how to respond to that, I was still trying to find the strength to stay composed because I was on the brink of becoming completely undone. My eyes studied the way his white t-shirt clung to every single curve his muscles had created and I longed to feel the way his arms felt around me once more. My eyes wandered their way up to his and for a moment I allowed myself to get lost in the chocolate pools the way I always had, but it wasn't long until I realized something... I was angry. I was suddenly over taken by feelings I didn't know I even had; I felt angry and mad and so confused but mostly, I felt abandoned.

"Holly..." Sam shuffled closer to me, his voice growing softer and I knew he was concerned, "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" I reiterated, shocked that he could really even ask me that question right now. As if it wasn't completely obvious to him what was bothering me.

"Are you really gettin upset over that song?" Sam's eyes scrunched in confusion, as if he didn't understand why I would find that song upsetting. Cedartown was a small town and it was obvious to everyone in that place who that song was about, "Cause if you're upset about that song, just imagine how I feel."

I stood there starring at him, wanting to scream at him but knew that in a way, he was right. Sure, I hated having him share a song like that with people that knew us both but it wasn't just about me. Maybe what I really hated was being exposed as the bad guy when all I really wanted to be was the victim. So much had gone left unsaid between the two of us for years; we were both dealing with a lot of emotions we pushed aside for so long.

"How you feel?" I repeated, feeling like my feelings were being neglected; like I wasn't allowed to feel anything, "You left me! We graduated and you left me behind like it was no big deal."

"I didn't..." Before he could even get a sentence out I was interrupting him with thoughts that I didn't really even know I had, things I tried my best to avoid feeling.

"You left and I didn't matter anymore." I fought back the tears I felt coming on, I was feeling defeated by my memories. It hurt to think about the way everything unfolded back then, to think of the events that left the two of us standing here feeling this way.

"That's not true Holly and you know it. I didn't want to end things, you did. You said it would never work. You said you didn't want me to call you, or write you or come visit you. You said you didn't want to be reminded of me and I respected your wishes." His eyes were dewy as he recalled the past the way he knew it, the way he remembered it and it obviously brought him pain, "All I did was what you asked for. What you wanted."

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