Make me love...
I dragged the blade slowly across my skin and grunted the pain made the room around me look sharper almost 3-D I felt the usual relief as the blood poured the same words circled around im my head, "Your worthless....Go kill yourself...whore...emo....freak...fat ass...you don't deserve to take up space on this earth...you deserve everything you get!" I looked down at my 269 pound body my thighs touching I looked disgusting even to myself I can only imagine what I must look like to other people no wonder my parents hate me and I have no friends I'm a Freak but as I slowly got up from the bathroom floor wiping the tears away I couldn't help but smile today I’m going to see my idol in person, Andrew Dennis Biersack in the flesh. Black Veil Brides just so happened to come to my town and I snagged a ticket the minute I saw the poster outside of Starbucks. Anywhore right now I’m in hell a.k.a. high school Strom Thurmond high school to be exact, but nothing can bring me down I’m going to be happy today even if it kills me.
I raced out of the school as soon as the bell rang and literally ran to my car there was no need for me to stop I have to no friends to talk to I’m an outcast here, I wear the wrong clothes, listen to the wrong music. "FREAK!" ugh stupid Samantha her and her prep squad have tortured me ever since I moved here I just smiled her way and slowly gave her the finger no not the pointer the good old middle finger "FUCK THE WORLD!" I shouted as I drove off Perfect Weapon blaring from my speakers I know the concert isn't for another like 4 of 5 hours but I want to look perfect I ran up the stairs and threw myself in my room to start tearing through my closet, ripped black skinnies, loose V-necked black veil brides tee, black and purple vans to match my hair and black leather jacket. I set the clothes softly on my bed as I ran to shower.
I jumped out blow-dried and straightened my hair and did my makeup with simple eyeliner mascara and black and purple eye shadow. I teased my hair to look like Andy’s and slipped into the clothes I picked out earlier. running down the stairs and leaving a note telling my parents where I would be if they even cared, silently thanking god that my parents aren't home yet I didn't feel like dodging beer cans on my way out the door. As I drove jamming along to D.R.U.G.S. and Asking Alexandria I was across town in record time. Easily finding a parking space up front since I was 2 1/2 hours early but a lot of people were already here I felt a smile slowly creep its way on my face I fit in here. Here people don't glare and me and call me a freak and push me down every time I’m near them here I’m just another fan.
I got in line just as the doors opened I ran and got a spot right in front of the stage I waited patiently as people poured in waiting for the show to start. "How are you motherfuckers doing tonight?" Andy questioned as he walked out on stage my heart stopped he’s shirtless everyone screamed around me but I couldn't find my voice I was scared to even speak I was afraid if I did Andy would just vanish. That thought vanished as Andy’s voice screamed out with the opening lyrics to Perfect Weapon I screamed along with him and jumped and shouted off key lyrics with the guys beside me who grabbed my arms and swayed to the Morticians Daughter. Finally I heard the first note of Savior everyone’s screams died down except for the occasional 'I LOVE YOU ANDY' from some crazy fan Andy was walking around touching fans hands I think one girl fainted. Andy stopped in front of me and grabbed my hand everyone around me stopped and stared as his piercing blue eyes stared into mine as he sung his eyes left mine I followed his gaze "Shit." I whispered he was staring at my scars I pulled my sleeve down as he looked at me sadness filled his eyes as I pulled away and backed up slowly and gripped my arm to my chest the people around me either looked at me with sympathy or glared in anger I guess cause Andy stopped for me well that’s a lie it was to stare at my cuts not me. I pushed open the double doors as Savior ended I listened silently as six other songs were played "Thank you guys we are Black Veil Brides and don't forget we love you!" screams then silence people poured out some shoving me girls giving me glares I saw CC and Jake surrounded by fans and Ashley making out with a random girl while Jinx signed autographs smiling and talking quietly to screaming girls. I see Andy leaning against their van and fans snapping pictures of him and some girls hugging him a bold one even tried to kiss him but he politely pushed her away hugged her and walked off shaking his head. my head sunk between my knees I sat there like that for a couple minutes until I felt a light tap on my shoulder I looked only to be met with none other than Andrew Biersacks face all up in my bubble. "Come on." I couldn't speak I just followed as he led me on their tour bus getting questioning looks from the rest of the band and glares from the once screaming fan-girls "What are you doing?" I was stuttering like the complete genius I am he just chuckled "Chasing unicorns in candyland. What does it look like I’m sitting down smarty pants come on." he patted the seat next to him. I sat as far as I could away from him. Andy sighed "I'm sorry I called you out on stage...um wait what’s your name?" I felt a smirk playing on my face "You invite me in but not know my name, wow very smart Mr. Biersack, but anywhore my name is Bianca." he scooted closer to me "well, Mrs. Bianca may I ask you a question?" my smile disappeared as I saw his gaze focused on my arm as if my jacket would burn away so he could see my scars. "Can I see?" he whispered suddenly closer I shook my head No but he didn't see my arm was already in his lap he slowly lifted my sleeve and gasped as the angry red cuts stared back at him. His fingers slid to my chin and pulled me to meet his hungry gaze "beautiful girls like you shouldn't do this to their selves." I laughed harshly at his words "have you looked at me or are you completely blind, I'm huge I'm a freak I'm worthless." tears sprung to my eyes as I repeated the words from my head. I closed my eyes and looked down at my embarrassing body why can't I be beautiful like the rest of them? "NO YOUR NOT DON'T EVER SAY THAT!" I turned to Andy to see his face red with anger "Don't be angry with me I hate people being mad at me." I whispered as I stuck my head between my knees hurting my insides pushing all the fat on my body together "I'm sorry I'm would never be mad at you Bianca. I'm mad that you would think that." His expression softened as I lifted my head and felt a stray tear fall his long arms encircled my waist and pushed my head into the nook on his shoulder "I'm sorry I'm sorry please stop Bianca I'm sorry." he repeated his words as he rocked my body back and forth I brought my head slowly up "sorry for what?" I whispered "you have nothing to be sorry for. You don't even know me." he shook his head at my words "I'm sorry for making you cry and...." he trailed off turning a bright red "what?" I finally questioned after he stared at me for a good two minutes "Sorry for this." he whispered and crashed his lips to mine.