BanG Dream!: Home at Last - (Male Reader in BanG Dream! Fan Fiction) *ON HIATUS*

Chapter 3: Two Pickles in a Jar

[Y/N]'S POV

Phew... I'm finally done.

Took me forever to clean this mess up. Jeez, I hope tomorrow isn't gonna be as chaotic.

I check the time.

[Y/N]: It's getting late. I should probably call it a day...

I change into my sleepwear and brush my teeth. Thankfully, we're clear of homework... for now. Since it was our first day, the teachers wanted us to get used to the school's setting before they made us do anything academic-related. Saves me the trouble of having to stay up late doing stuff when I should be resting.

I flop onto my bed and stare up at the ceiling. I do a little recap of everything that went on today...

Woke up late. Made a mess of my apartment trying not to be late. Was given a free chocolate cornet after I embarrassingly forgot to bring my wallet with me. Got lost on the way to school. Helped some girl get her coffee out of a vending machine. Arrived to school late. Met my bully. Potentially made a friend. Had a weird encounter with a peculiar girl outside of a music shop.

...And spent two straight hours cleaning up the mess I made this morning.

[Y/N]: What a day...

I turn over so I'm facing my side. Little dim rays of light enter my room and hit my eyes. I look up to see the moon seeping through narrow spaces left by my curtains. The moon's light illuminates the room and provides a slight warmth inside.

I've always loved looking at the moon. I remember back in my hometown, when I'd feel down or when I was going through a difficult time, I'd climb to the top of a hill and stare at the moon that lit the town brightly. It was my escape. Whenever I was atop that hill, I felt safe. I felt free. It was as if all my worries had melted and all that had remained were me and the sweet sound of the universe.

The moon reminded me of... me. It may shine bright at night. But no matter how hard it tries, it can never shine as bright as the sun. When day comes, the moon disappears. No one can see it, and no one ever asks where it went. And all that's left is the sun, sharing its light with the world, with a brightness the moon could only ever wish to have. Because at the end of the day, the light the moon emits is merely a reflection of the sun's radiance - proof that it can only shine when the sun is around. And it can try its best to shine just as bright. But an imitation will never be as good as the real thing.

I used to be a very ambition person. I had goals. I had dreams. And I would work my butt off every singly day trying to make those dreams come true. And even when I failed - no matter how many times I did - I always kept trying. Again, and again, and again. I wouldn't give up. Because I knew I'd rather aspire to fulfill a dream and fail knowing I had the courage to try than to live my life ignoring every chance I got to make it happen and not try at all because of fear. But there was always someone better than me. Someone that shined brighter than I could ever hope to. Despite how hard I tried to shine even half as bright, whenever that better person was around, I disappeared into the shadows. And nobody dared to wonder where I had gone or how I was doing. And whenever I had my chance to shine, it would always just be a pathetic attempt to reflect and radiate the same light they did. A desperate imitation of the real thing that would never be as good.

So I stopped dreaming. I stopped trying to be something I couldn't be. And I haven't had my eyes on a goal for a long time now. I don't even remember what it was like... Because I thought to myself...

"I had the courage to try. But what's the point of continuing to try when you already know you'll never be as good?"

And not being good enough scared me. It made me think I wouldn't be able to survive out there.