His secret

Chapter 6

"Is there anything I need to know?" He asks after our long discussion about how he needs to stop scaring me like that because I might actually get a heart attack someday. "No, not really." I look away when answering him because it only takes him looking into my eyes in order to realize that I'm lying to him. "So you're claiming that there is no particular reason why you've been ignoring me for what feels like an eternity?" A nod is the only answer he gets from me. He gets up from the purple armchair that he's been sitting on ever since he got here, and joins me on my small bed. Suddenly, remembering how organized his room always is I feel embarrassed about mine. It's five o'clock in the afternoon and I'm still in my little white wooden bed, hiding under my purple blanket.

"You were supposed to visit your parents, isn't that right? How did that go?" He searches for my eyes, making it impossible for me to avoid eye contact with him. That little devil always knows what he's doing. I don't fight it. Looking into his eyes while trying to seem as confident as possible I answer him. "Yeah, I took the bus to them since you were too busy for me." I give in an attempt at changing the subject. "Sorry for having my own life to take care of, Sunshine, don't try to change the subject, I know you don't mind taking the bus," and there my attempt fails completely.

"I've already given you an answer, what do you expect from me more? I had a great evening with them that's all," playing dumb might work. He gets closer, putting his arms beside each side of me. "Well tell me about your 'great evening' with them." I have taken him for granted, he is IMPOSSIBLE to avoid. "I arrived, had a chat with dad while mother prepared their dinner, and then she offered me to eat with them so I did. We talked a little more over dinner and then I went home." I say and get up from the bed to point out that the discussion is over. When I drag the bedsheets from under him to make my bed, he too gets up.

"It's not like you to just disappear on me like that, and you're swollen red eyes are indicating that you've been crying for at least three days." He's following me around the room as I tidy up, picking up the dishes I've left on my white bedstand and the rest that I left on my purple furry carpet because there was no room for them among the others. "And don't you dare tell me you've been crying because of some chick flicks movies. I've already been forced to sit through every one of them with you," he says slightly annoyed but in a sarcastic way. "I could watch all of them all over again," I say as I head for the kitchen with too many dishes in my hands. "You would have texted me, crying about how you want someone to sing for you as Patrick did to Kate, or that you also wished to be good at football so that you could trick everybody that you're a boy and then fall in love with the captain of the team, just like Viola fell for Duke." Next time I want to fool him I might take into consideration the things I do that are predictable for him.

"Would you look at me when I talk to you, Nova!" He says as he drags me by my arm, causing me to drop the dishes on the white floor at the kitchen entrance. Losing his patience in just some minutes is one of the traits that I hate the most about him. I look up at him, tears welling up in my eyes. He's clenching his jaw, really pissed. 

Ignoring him, I get down on my knees to clean up the mess he just made. "Get up Nova, you're gonna hurt yourself," he demands but I don't pay him any attention. "Nova I said get up, stop being stubborn." My point isn't provoking him, but I just want him to understand that getting angry will not get him what he wants, so I continue cleaning up. "You don't have to clean up, I'll do it later, it's my fault."

"Aw," I cut a deep wound in the middle of the palm of my hand. He drops to his knees immediately, taking my hand into his as he examines it. The tears that I've been trying to hold back are now rolling down my cheeks. I snatch my hand back and jump up on my feet. "You really wanna know what happened?" I scream with frustration. "What is it that you want to know exactly? Do you want to know that I always feel my parents scolding looks on me whenever I've met them for the past five years? Or do you want to know that my own mother actually confirmed it to me, by calling me selfish, and telling me straight out that he's not with us because I was too ignorant?" The sobbing makes it too hard to breathe, but I feel the need to continue what I started, so I push the word through them. 

"Do you want to know that every time I think that I can heal something pokes at my wounds, opening them up again? I can't even sleep, either I cry myself to sleep just to end up dreaming about the accident, or I stay up all night too afraid to face him in my dreams." I feel empty, and light, like all of the weight I've carried on me, has been released and now there are just my wounds that need to heal.

Miles takes me in for a hug, resting his chin on my head. His amber scent fills my nose, managing to distract me and calm me down. Without letting go he tries to walk me to my bedroom, but I accidentally step on a piece of glass. "Don't move," he commands as he lifts me up and walks me to the room, laying me down on my bed. He disappears for a minute, returning with a bowl filled with water in one hand and a little white towel in the other. I like the fact that he knows where everything is without asking. 

Starting with my hand he takes it with both of his hands, taking out the little glass piece that had been stuck in it, and then he cleans the blood off with the wet towel. "Does it hurt?" He asks while repeating the same thing on my foot. "No, it's okay I don't feel anything," I say, enjoying the view of him taking care of me.

When he finished cleaning my wounds he sets the bowl with the towel aside and lays down next to me, pulling me to his chest. "Why didn't you tell me that you still had trouble sleeping?" he asks while patting me on the head. I can hear his heartbeat, I think it's fast but I'm not certain for I'm not very used to laying down on people's chests, listening to their hearts. "I don't know. It just seemed to never come to an end and I didn't want to bother you with my nonsense." 

I remember the first year after the accident, when I still used to live with my parents, Miles would sneak into the house through my window like a teenage boy to sleep next to me because I had trouble sleeping. When I say he did it for a whole year I don't even exaggerate. He didn't miss any of the 365 nights. But after a year had gone by, on the anniversary of my brother's death I told him that I was finally ready to move on and that I could sleep on my own, which was a big lie of course. "You lied to me, didn't you? About moving on." I lift my head to look into his eyes, there is empathy and sadness. He is bothered because I'm hiding things from him, although he does it all the time.

I look down again, deciding not to say anything because I would most likely say something about him lying to me all the time. "I won't leave you, Sunshine, now close your eyes and try to get some rest." For the first time today, I feel like doing what he's telling me.